20-7-2009 - Hair Loss !

My mood while writing this blog: Sad

Hi ladies, sorry I haven't been around I have been down and out with very very bad bronchitis, it's horrible the slim in my lungs doesn't want to come loose, I struggle to breath, my nose is so cloged up and my sinus is burning like crazy. I did got to the doc on monday he only gave me three days of antibiotics which is clearlly not working, will go back tonight so he could give me more meds.

Well in other news a while ago I posted about my hairloss, I went to the dermatologist and the results are in I have alopecia areata totalis here is a link if you would like to read more about it http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alopecia_areata
I have opted not to undergo any treatment, none of them are guaranteed my hair might grow back and then just fall out again, also some have too many side effects and I cant drink some meds anyway due to my epilepsy. I have made peace with the fact that all my hair will fall out and I have made plans to start saving for a wig, I visited a wig shop yesterday and I must say that they are fabulous, the lady at the shop measured my head and she showed how to put them on, some look so great that no one will ever know that I have one on. So now I'll be a 25 year old bald woman which is giving me tons of mixed feelings.

Ok so now I know why my hair is falling out and I know that there is nothing I can do about it...I really have come to accept that this is going to happen, sometimes I feel like crying my eyes out, knowing that I would never be able to comb my own hair or wash it or just swim like a normal person, I think the reality of this is going to be hard especially going on holiday's never being able to swim with my children always worrying for getting my wig wet or whatever I'll be wearing wet or maybe it might blow off on the anaconda ride at Golf Reef City (thinking about it is actually making me laugh, imagine you walking on the pathway and a fluffy hairy thinks falls right on you...hahahaha).

It's simple things I'll mis like lying on the couch with DH and him stroking my hair, going to the hairdresser, blowdrying it, curling it, putting in streaks little things that make me shed a tear. Every woman wants to have long (or short) beautifull hair, maybe one day it might grow back but the posibility of that is very rare, I opted not to get treatment as none of them are guaranteed, my hair might grow back and be beautifull for a few months and then just fall out again. They can't change my immune system which is causing the problem as immune altering is very dangerous and might change the whole chemistry of my body, laser treatment might work on someone els and not on me and then again my hair might just fall out again, creams, injections all are the same no guarantee.

So now I decided to let everything just be...if it all falls out I'll wear a wig, they are georgous and no one will know, if the spots stay as they are I'll get clip in extensions to cover the little spots that might be visible. The doc thinks that I'll be bald by year end, when the patches get too big I'll shave the reamaining hair off (DH would love to do this he thinks I'll be very sexy bald). For now I'll shop around for the perfect wig.

Some days I feel fine about this I mean it could have been much worse, I could have had a tumor which could or could not have taken my life or I could have undergone brain surgery and some days I just feel so sad and some days like today I feel content with it, not sad or happy just neutral. I am not going to let this keep me from doing anything I want, there are people less fortunate than me who have lost so much more than hair who have a wonderfull and happy life. If I feel like letting my glinting bald head loose I will and if people stair at me I'll just stair back, if I'm on holiday and want to go down the supertube with Divan I'll take off my wig and enjoy myself, if I don't feel like putting on my wig on a sunday and family or friends pop in they'll just have to see me without it. I won't feel ashamed of this and won't let anyone make fun of me for not having hair, many people don't have hair. I don't want to hide it I want to tell people about this condition and let them know that it's ok to have it, many people get severelly depressed about this, so instead of letting this thing drag me down I have decided that it will lift me up. I am still the same person with or without my hair !