29-8-2008 - Hello 2nd trimester!!

My mood while writing this blog: Happy

I honestly can't believe i am in my 2nd trimester. I havent writeen any blogs yet so i figured this is a good time to start. First of all i need to say that i can't believe how i have been treating my boyfriend James. Granted sometimes he does say or do things to get me legitimantly mad, but for the most part i snap at him all of the time for no reason. We have been arguing so much, well, i have been arguing with him. We have a difficult situation to begin with as he lives an hour from me so i see him only on weekends. I feel so alone during the week that my lonliness turns into bitchiness and we can never seem to have decent phone conversations anymore. We just had a big blowout this morning because he didnt text me when he got home from having a night out with his friends...perfectly good reason to get mad but my reaction was of course enhanced by the lovely prego hormones. I pretty much told him that we are over and i would raise the baby by myself. Needless to say a few minutes later we talked things out and we were fine. He is coming to my place tonight and we are going to have a long talk. We are not in the best situation and it takes its toll on us. Here is what we are up against:

1. I am allergic to his dogs...i mean asthma attack allergic. So when i go to Long Island we have to stay at his parents. He is going to find new homes for them. Once he does that we have to give the house time to air our so the dander is out of the air. Then i can actually spend the night there.

2. I need to keep my apartment here in Stamford, CT because my job is here as well as my doctors and the hospital i am delivering at. I will not be able to commute when i get big and pregnant. I am going to have to figure out how i am going to move right before the baby comes as well as having to break my lease and lose my security deposit. Ugggg

3. I worked very hard to get my job at the investment firm i'm at. I do not plan on leaving after the baby. I make a decent salary and love where i am. Where James lives is about an hour from me. What i am praying for is that my firm will let me work from home maybe 2 days a week. I am willing to do the commute but i dont think i would be able to keep my sanity if i had to do that everyday. Plus, if i am home 2 days a week that is more time i get to spend with my lil one. So...i just have to pray that the company will help me out.

So, these are a few of the major hurdles we are up against. There are also days that i get really sad because when i move i will be over 2 hours from my mom, dad, sister and best friend. Other than James' family, (who are great) i dont have anybody out there.

I try my hardest not to stress too much about all of these things, just that i take care of myself so our baby is healthy but sometimes its all so overwhelming. I tell myself that everything will fall into place in time.

I'm just so happy that i have made it to the 2nd trimester. I really want to enjoy this preganancy. James and i as well as one of my good friends and her husband are going to the Yankee game tomorrow so that will be a lot of fun. Plus, thats where James and i met so we love it there. I hope a can start trying to be nicer to James as he is trying really hard.

Even though it was unexpected I feel so blessed to have gotten pregnant considering my history. I look forward to the next 26 weeks and look forward to our life with our new lil peanut.

Have a great weekend ladies :)

~Bonnie~