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|01-12-2008 - I'm breaking my man's heart :(
||My mood while writing this blog:|
Hey ladies I hope you are all feeling well. So I am having a very hard time emotionally today and here is the story. Itís kind of long and Iím sorry about that.
When James and I first met he was still living with his ex. He kept it from me for the 1st month but when the psycho found out about me all hell broke lose. Needless to say I was dealing with his crazy ex for some time. Anyway, finally about 7 months later she finally moved out, leaving him with a ridiculous mortgage to pay, but hey, at least she was gone. The first time I got to spend the night at his house was horrible. My dog allergy had gotten very bad in the 2 years since I stopped living with my dog. James has 3 dogs. That night he rushed me to the hospital because I had a very severe asthma attack. From then on it was clear that I couldnít stay at his house. So I started going for allergy shots and when I went to Long Island we would stay at his parentís house in their finished basement. This totally cramped our style but we made it work. Then comes June 21st when we found out we are going to be parents. We were in shock to say the least but one of the first things that came to mind was what about the dogs? We knew I would be the one making the move (I live an hour away right now) to live with him and I knew in my heart my allergies would not let me live with 3 dogs in such a tiny house. So over the past 5 months I have tried to make suggestions to James as to what he should do with the dogs but he has done nothing. I told him we should make signs, advertise in the paper, etc and he just changed the subject. I asked everyone I knew and so did my familyÖnobody wanted these dogs. I guess if James didnít insist on the 2 little ones going together it may have been easier. We had a huge blow-out last week and I laid it out for himÖif I cant live with him because the house still has too much dog hair in it then he will have to come to Connecticut to see his baby. I had told him months ago that the house needed at least 3 months to air out before I move in and all he has done is avoid the subject.
There is so much that needs to be done and I have 12 weeks leftÖnot a lot of time considering I still have to move out of my apartment, move all of my stuff into his house, then live with my mother for the last 4 weeks because she lives closer to the hospital than him. Anyway, he tells me his ex will be taking 2 of the dogs. As for the 3rd (his beloved pit bull) he is hoping his parents will take him in for a while.
Now I love dogs and cats. I had one of each growing up and for like 17 years and had to put them both to sleep last summer so I know what itís like having pets. He has been calling me insensitive when I have been doing nothing but trying to find good homes for them. Itís not like Iím telling him to get rid of them because I donít like them, I have developed severe allergies to these dogs, especially these breeds of dogs and it affects my health and the health of our baby.
Sorry Iím rambling.
So last night when I left his house I got very emotional because he had been kind of nasty to me because he knew that today would most likely be the day he gave her the 2 little dogs. I started crying because I feel so bad for him. I feel responsible for breaking his heart like this but itís not my fault. He was crying when I left his house and he barely said good bye to me. I called him before and he barely spoke to me and sounded really sad like he was crying. I donít know what to do to make things better. I hate seeing him like this. Once the dogs are gone we still have to paint the whole house (him not me), carpet the babyís room and basement, get the vents cleaned out, set up the babyís room, etc. We just picked up the furniture the other day and its sitting in his parentís garage. I keep telling him that we are going to be able to be a family now, trying to make him remember that even though the dogs wont be living with him, he will still be getting me and the baby. Dont really know if that approach has worked.
Sorry for the novel but I needed to get this off my chest. I know I cant control my allergies and keep telling myself that he cant blame me, but I feel like he will always resent me for having to give up the dogs. I think Iím going to step back and give him space cause thatís what it sounds like he wants. Iím not going to bug him. What I am doing is getting pictures developed and getting a mug made for him with the cutest picture of them on it. I posted the pic if you want to see them.
The weeks keep rolling by and soon we will be holding our little ones, I canít wait!!
Hope you are all having a great day. Take care!
7 Comments on I'm breaking my man's heart :(stargazer530
- Friday, 12 Dec It's hard, but he needs to put his baby first. He has known about this for a while so it's not like you just sprung it on him or it's even your fault. He shouldn't be treating you badly because of it. I have 2 dogs and 2 cats, one that I have had since I was 13, and all I can think about is how much work they are to take care of and how messy and dirty they are. I have been trying to find a new home for my dog and contemplating putting my old cat to sleep since he is very sick and not doing so well. It's hard, but it's all part of it. If men got the same hormone cocktail and nesting impulses that we did it would make things so much easier, wouldn't it? Good luck. MONJADETY
- Thursday, 4 Dec hey bonbon. I totally see your side & his side but especially his. My ex & I had 2 dogs & a cat & when we split he wnated to co-own the dogs & I agreed to it & then said he wanted nothing to do with them. I dont know what I would have done if I had to splie with my babies & love of my life. He was an ass though & left me for my boss & then cheated on my with 2 of my co-workers so him & your man have NOTHING in comparison & sounds like you got a good guy there. My Jade was diagnosed with pemphighan disease 4 and 1/2 years ago & I asked him if he would want to take her for a week at least to spend some last days with her as I am going to have to put her to sleep really soon & what he told me was that he didnt have time for her & that he had 2 other dogs to take care of. Thats fine as it only made me realize what I would have to deal with if I had had any kids with him. I wouldnt feel bad about making him give up the dogs as they were given to good loving homes & are more likely being loved & cared for & will be till their last days. You guys have a baby on the way & that little human has more priority than a dog & I know that that might sound mean... but coming from a dog lover I can tell you that if one of my dogs or cat EVER did anytying to my little one.... GEEZ!!! I cant even imagine what I would do or how I would react. Like everyone says.... he'll get over it. You stick it through. He needs to realize to that we are pregnant & are entitled to have our emotional moments & cry for no reason & get mad for no reason & then some.... Cheer up buttercup!! jambaby
- Wednesday, 3 Dec Honey, first of all stop feeling so bad, it is not your fault AT ALL, I love animals too but he should be more considerate to his little baby coming along and to you, doesn't he know you are nesting and need that secure baby spot lol...
HE needs to grow up and realize what is really important, but to his defense men are not the smartest creatures and cope way differently than we do...maybe his procrastination is something else. Does he still talk to his ex on a regular basis? I think you let him off the hook and you sound like a sweetheart,
i would of had those dogs pics on craiglist hee hee cheer up honey in the big scheme of things this will pass! kymommy
- Tuesday, 2 Dec He'll get over it as soon as he sees his little one don't worry! Things will get better, it'll just take awhile. He loves his dogs, they've been his kids up to this point. But it will get easier. kanojoca
- Tuesday, 2 Dec Oh hun what a shitty deal for him and now for you. But it has to be done! Its not your fault, i know you feel guilty but he has got to look at the bigger picture and just as lilmamaaua said he just needs some time to adjust. Let your tears come its better in then out and i think that its very sweet that your making him is mugs etc.
Take it easy and try your hardest to not get too worked up, if in a couple of days he is still being an ars then tell him how you feel don't hold it on his accord...let him know that you hate doing this, but the other option is you raise the baby on your own in your own house and he needs to understand that.
cheer up petal its christmas it will blow over soon
xx Elizabeth B
- Tuesday, 2 Dec This situation totally sucks for all involved! I know you feel guilty, and that is normal, but you just have to keep reminding yourself that it's for the best in the long run. I own two dogs, and I would be heartbroken if I had to get rid of either/both of them, so I understand where James is coming from. They are like his children, and I'm sure he feels like he is abandoning them, but he should discuss it openly with you about how he feels instead of keeping it in and avoiding the subject. Maybe he just didn't talk to you about it because it's too much for him right now. I'm sure that, in time, he will feel better about the whole situation, especially if you start keeping him busy with nursery and baby preparations. He probably just needs some time to adjust to everything...like having a baby and new fiancee move in isn't enough change, now he is getting rid of his dogs, too! I hate that you are feeling so guilty, and that is normal and probably compounded by pregnancy hormones, but it will go away soon. He should not contribute to that guilt, though, and you should encourage him to talk openly with you about how he feels. I think getting the mug is a great present to help him commemorate his 3 beasts! And tell him to take comfort in knowing that at least they went to good homes...like he doesn't have to worry about whether they will be taken well care of or not. Just hang in there and cheer up. Things will get better in time for both of you. Just remember to keep the communication open and that you made the right decision for the right reason. Soon there will be a new baby to take his mind off of the dogs! Hope things start getting better soon! lilmamaaua
- Monday, 1 Dec Aww you poor thing. Very difficult to go through but it is necessary. Your boy just needs time to adjust and in the next few weeks the real excitement will start as you both get the nursery set up and start really feeling like the baby is on the way!
When I found out I was preggers I was back home in Ireland on vacation and my boyf was minding my pitbull/lab mix. As soon as it came up we both agreed it was best that my baby dog who I rescued as a pup and was my shadow, would be better off not staying with us at home for a number of reasons. Firstly even though my dog was gentle and a big wuss dog I would always have that niggling feeling that he was part pitbull and I could never trust him with a baby. I would never forgive myself if he did anything accidentally or on purpose to harm the baby. He was very possessive of me.Secondly, he was still growing and had a habit of jumping on me for attention and could sometimes get a bit excited! So we made the unanimous decision to rehome him. It wasn't as difficult as my boyf owns his own diving business on the beach so my first baby now lives at the centre. He is with lots of people and gets spoilt rotten all day and has the company of two other dogs both day and night. He is so so happy there as before he was alone during the day while I worked. I found it hard at first but long run I know it is for the best and I am sure your boyf will soon feel better about it and understand it's for the sake of his lady and his baby. Hope you're feeling better soon x