05-7-2008 - FEELING CRAP

My mood while writing this blog: LOW

WELL ITS 4.30AM IN THE MORNING HERE AND I JUST CANT SLEEP I GOT UP TO USE THE TOILET AT MY NORMAL 4AM AND NOW I JUST CANT GET BACK TO SLEEP, IT SO LIGHT OUTSIDE AND MY DH IS SNORING LIKE A PIG AND MY DOG IS WHINNING SO NO SLEEP FOR ME.

I JUST FEEL SO CRAP RIGHT NOW AND JUST WANNA CRY I MEAN IM SAT HERE LOOKING AT THE SATE OF MY PLACE AND IT LOOKS LIKE A PIG STY, I MEANT TO HAVE BEEN TAKING IT EASY AS OF MONDAY SO THATS WHAT I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO DO DH WAS REALLY GOOD AT FIRST WELL FOR 3 DAYS AT LEAST AND WOULDNT LET ME DO ANYTHING BUT YESTERDAY HE SAID TO ME WHEN I ASKED HIM TO HELP OUT CAUSE THE PLACE IS LOOKING LIKE A PIG STY HE RESPONSE WAS WELL U HAVE BEEN HERE ALL DAY AND IVE BEEN OUT TO WORK, I TRY TO POINT OUT TO HIM IM MEANT TO BE TAKING IT EASY BUT HE JUST DIDNT SEE THE POINT, I MEAN I WAS ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ALL WASHING ETC WAS DONE ALL THAT NEEDED DOING ON A DAILY BASIS WAS HOOVER ACROSS THE FLOOR, A FEW DISHES AND PUTING WHAT EVA CLOTHES WE HAD ON IN THE WASHING MACHINE AND PUTTING THEM AWAY, BUT MY DH SAID HE DOESNT DO DISHES SO THEY HAVENT BEEN DONE FOR A FEW DAYS NOW AND ITS JUST ALL PILING BACK UP AGAIN, WASHING GOT LOADS OF THAT TO DO NOW AND PUTTING AWAY WHICH I HATE DOING AND THE PLACE IS JUST A TIP, HE HAS FINALLY AFTER ASKING FOR 2WEEKS GOT THE REST OF THE BABY BITS OUT FOR ME SO I CAN WASH THEM BUT HE HAS JUST DUMPED THEM ALL IN BAGS ON THE FLOOR RIGHT IN THE WAY OF EVERYTHING SO U JUST FALL OVER THEM SO THEY NOW NEED MOVING B4 SOME1 FALLS AND HURTS THEMSELF.

ON TOP OF ALL THIS SHITTY HOUSEWORK IM GETTING NO HELP WITH ANYTHING I HAVE COURTNEY TO LOOK AFTER WHO IS BEING GOOD FOR ME THE LAST FEW DAYS BUT IM STILL TAKING HER TO AND FROM SCHOOL AND TO ALL HER ATFER SCHOOL CLUBS SHE DOES SO SHE DOESNT MISS OUT, IM GETTING NO HELP, MY MUM ONLY STARTED TALKING TO ME THURSDAY AND SHE HASNT BEEN NEAR MY PLACE IN WEEKS AND NO OFFER TO HELP ME OUT NOT EVEN WITH COURTNEY, MY MIL NOT THAT I WANT HER HERE KNOWS IM NOT WELL AND SHOULD BE TAKING IT EASY AND NO OFFER OF HELP FROM HER EITHER AS FOR THE REST OF THE FAMILY NOPE NO OFFER OF HELP FROM THEM EITHER AND AS FOR DH AT THE MOMENT ALL HE IS INTREASTED IS IS FU*KING FISHING AND SIGNING UP TO SOME CLUB IF I HEAR ABOUT IT ONCE MORE IM GONNA SCREAM. THE WETHER HERE IS REALLY NICE AT THE MOMENT AND I HAVE BEEN ASKING HIM FOR WEEKS TO SORT OUT COURTNEY'S SWIMMING POOL AND THE BACK GARDEN SO SHE CAN PLAY OUT THERE THAT MAKE MY LIFE EASIER AND SHE WOULD BE CONTENT OUT THERE FOR HOURS BUT THE GRASS ETC NEED CUTTING B4 SHE CAN GO OUT THERE BUT HE HASNT BEEN BOTHERED WITH THAT EITHER, I MEAN WE LIVED IN A TOP FLOOR FLAT FOR AGES AND WE MOVED CAUSE HE MOANED ABOUT WANTING A GARDEN FOR COURTNEY AND NOW HE HAS LET IT GET SO OVERGROWNE SHE CANT GO OUT THERE.

I DREAD TO THINK WHAT IT WILL BE LIKE WHEN I GO IN TO HAVE JESSICA IF I HAVE TO STAY IN FOR MORE THAN A DAY MY PLACE WILL GO TO POT, I ASKED MY DH IF HE WANTED ME TO END UP IN HOSP AND HE SAID NO CAUSE I DONT, WELL F*CKING HELP ME THEN CAUSE THE RATE IM GOING ON IM GONNA END UP IN THERE.

DONT MEAN TO GO ON AND ON AND I KNOW WORSE THINGS IN LIFE CAN HAPPEN BUT I JUST FEEL SO CRAP, NOT SLEEPING ISNT HELPING, DH SNORES LIKE A PIG THE DOG WHINNING AND BEING A FIDGET ARSE MOVING AROUND THE PLACE ALL NIGHT KEEPS WAKING ME UP AND THE NEED TO PEE TO OFTEN ALONG WITH LOSING MY COUSIN THE OTHER DAY AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE IT IS REALLY TAKING IT OUT OF ME. ALSO TRYING TO KICK THE ARSE OF THIS PREECLIMPSA AND SPD,ARGGGGGGGGG I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING. (THAT REALLY HELP MY BP)

I FEEL SHIT AND SO LOW I FEEL LIKE CRYING WELL I AM SAT HERE CRYING, IVE HAD ENOUGH NOW AND SO WANNA FEEL NORMAL AGAIN.

SORRY FOR SUCH A LONG MOAN, BITCH AND VENT BUT I DONT HAVE ANYWHERE ELSE TO MOAN TO, NO WHERE THAT WOULD LISTEN OR NOT ARGUE BACK WITH ME ANYWAY.