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30-6-2008 - Monday 6/30/08

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

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I'm so upset I could probably scream! It all started yesterday when my fiance' and I went to Sonic before going to his mother's house. I told him to order me 2 watermelon (99 cents) shakes. [I know, I was being greedy] He gave me this funny look so it made me change my mind. He ended up ordering 3 shakes. 2 for me and 1 for his mother. Then, he wanted to go to McDonald's to get a salad. I told him try to get me one with no chicken, just bacon. [I'm totally burned out on chicken] As I was sitting in the car the majority of the people were over weight. I have no problem with over weight people. These people just looked as if they don't eat anything healthy or exercise. Maybe their clothes were too tight or something. [Friday 6/27/08 I went to the doctor for a regular check up and she told me I gained 9 lbs in the last month. This isn't the best because I was only gaining 2 or 3 lbs a months since I was pregnant. Up until this month I had only gained a total of 5 lbs since I've been pregnant.] When my fiance' got back in the car, I told him that I didn't want my second shake. He asked why and I mentioned to him what how unhealthy the people looked going into McDonald's. Then he started talking about what someone did in there that got on his nerves. I asked him was he able to get a plain salad or one with chicken. He said chicken. So we get to his mothers house and I give my shake to his older brother who was working in the yard. He was very thankful becuase it was hot outside. I was already fool from my shake. I really didn't have any room left for a salad. I drunk the shake too fast, while I was waiting in the car I felt as if I wanted to puke. But I didn't tell him this. So we get inside of his mothers house and everythhing is fine. He sits next to me and starts to eat just the chicken from his salad. I tell him, "You can have the chicken from my salad." He replyes, " STARVING YOURSELF ISN'T GOING TO HELP." I looked at him wanting to KNOCK THE F OUT OF HIM!!! I just said, "You are really about to piss me off!" Remind you his mom is right there in the kitchen! I turn my head to ignore him. Then he says, "Everytime we come to my moms house you act like this. Something I say always pisses you off! Come on we need to go talk." We get in the room and he tries to make it seem like it's my fault! His sorry excuse was he just said what was on his mind. I told him when I told you that you can have my chicken, I said it to you. You didn't have to say that so the whole world can hear you. You are a grown man, I shouldn't have to tell you to think before you talk. Hell, believe me, if we didn't have to think before we talked I highly doubt he would want to be with me right now. I was like I hope you don't plan on raising your son with that stupidity! It was childish. He said he really wanted to talk because he saw how bad he hurt me. YA THINK!?! I was embarrassed. I felt like he hit me in my face in front to the world. I'm a pregnant woman, why would I starve myself knowing that I have an innocent child inside me? Then I told him I was burnt out on chicken since he cooked it last Tuesday I just didn't tell him. He asked why and I was like I don't have to tell you that. If you don't believe me call my mom and ask her when did I tell her I was TIRED of chicken.. So, we came out of the room to join the rest of the family who just arrived. After washing my face with cold water I was able to stop crying. When we were driving home that night, he asked if I wanted to go with him to get food or go home. I chose to go home. I went home, walked the dog, and the dog and I left to go to the store. I pretty much went grocery shopping. I get home [I have to go up 3 flights of stairs to get to my apartment] with the dog and heavy bags in my hands. I live in a 1 bedroom apartment about 700 sf. He heard me come in with the bags. I put the bags down in the kitchen. You can see me from where I was standing (in the kitchen) if you are in a certain side of my room. He was in the bed. I went back down stairs to get more bags out of my car. Thinking that he heard me and that he would get up to help. When I came up the second time I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that he wasn't there. I placed the bags closer to the table in his view. [I didn't look to see if he was there] I go down the third time (last time) to get the rest of the stuff. Thinking to myself if he's here (I stopped typing because if my child can read my mind, he'll have some bad word in his vocabulary before he can speak). So now I'm back in the house. I make room to up up the food. I go in the room and his trifflin' self is in the bed watching TV. NOW I'M REALLY PISSED. After that I shower and go to bed. I tell him to move over when he gets too close. This morning he tried to get close to me. I told hime to move over. He asked if I'm still not talking to him and I didn't say anything. He get out of the bed to get ready for work. When he leaves he didn't even say bye. He just got his lunch and walked out of the door. We have yet to speak. For my married mothers I feel you. Marriage must be hard. You have no idea how hard it was for me to not say get out. (I don't like the thought of putting him out. I feel like it's his home too) All I could think of was do marrieages really go up and down like this? If so, how do you find GOD and work it out? I didn't tell him I'm pissed because he didn't help me with the grocery. What do you think?

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