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31-3-2009 - Birth certificate issues

My mood while writing this blog: ok

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I have a small issue.. My husband chinese, in china.. and i'm here.. in Canada. This baby will be a canadian ( born in Canada woot!). My concern is with travelling.. Once I bring this baby into China.. I cannot ever leave China without my husbands permission to take our new born daughter with me. My 10 year old daughter isn't his and i have papers for her so no problem. It scares me should something ever happen between us.. I cannot support myself in china.. i mean day to day for a year ok, but not for the rest of my life. It's scary to know that my husband could potentionally retain me in China by not allowing me to leave the country with our baby. This is something i don't EVER want to face... I'm also a high risk case for obduction because we are from 2 different countries and i can't talk to his family so well.. meaning if he ever took off i don't even know how to find any of his family.

Anyways i brought this huge fear of mine to him. There is 2 possible ways to solve this.. Bare in mind.. the economy right now and i will not go to China until this is solved ( meaning he wont get to see his baby). Option 1. Not put his name as father on the birth cert. or registration.. We can ammend this later once the child is 12 or we've established perminent residence in Canada then i'll be protected under the Hagues Convention. I can't find him in China.. I have no power, no money and no connections there..He does..
2. We spent tons of money and court time getting a motion set in place we both agree too..

Yeah it sounds rediculous to have to go through all this for a child.. Can you imagine.. asking your husband to not put his name on the birth cert?!? but at $22 for an ammendment when the child is older and has a voice.. vs. thousands in court fees and months if not a year in court.. seems like a better idea to me( he wouldn't see his first born for a year!)

After a few heated battles he decided to let me have my way and i don't have to put his name on the cert.. I still feel horrible. It's such a horrible thing.. but i do have to protect myself and my children.. I don't care about money, but the thought of my kids being taken away or outta my control.. scares the hibby geebies outta me!.He agrees we both know that he is the father and the baby knows and ultimately thats what matters

I am a huge Bit$h? or is this a valid worry?? it's not tha ti don't trust him.. but i mean people don't get married thinking things will end soo badly when they do either..I know my husband is definately really awesome for letting me win this one.. Even if it sits badly with him he understands my fears and will put me before him..

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5 Comments on Birth certificate issues


mumette - Tuesday, 16 Jun
Very valid worry!


Situations like that dictate that you think things over carefully. Losing your baby is no joke and you never know whats going to happen in life.

greenmommy - Monday, 20 Apr
Wow You and your husband are strong for working that legal mess out! It is good of him to understand the worries of less freedom in another country, and the possibility that you could get stuck there. I wouldn't like that either. I'm sort of stuck here in Texas in a way. But My reason's are more money related I think. ..it is not fun knowing you can't be with your family.
So glad you got this matter fixed ahead of time.

jumpingbean - Wednesday, 15 Apr
I think that what you are doing is very smart but also you need to think about if something does happen and you end up splitting, you can not get support from him unless his name is on the birth certificate. Just something else to worry about but I applaud you and your husband for doing what you feel is right. The safety of your children is most important


Christine G - Wednesday, 1 Apr
Oh wow, that is a lot to think about and it is a difficult decision to make for both of you. You have a wonderful husband. I could also not imagine having my child held by my husband and what not. You're really being responsible on thinking and doing this now rather then something happening later. Good job

Ennazus - Tuesday, 31 Mar
I think your fears are very valid and your actions are what a responsible mother would do. I applaud you (and your husband) for putting the needs and safety of your child before the stigma of not having his name on the certificate. You both know who the father is, and that is what really matters.