25-8-2009 - Almost Time!

My mood while writing this blog: excited

I'm very nervous thinking about having a child that i am responsible for the rest of my life. It's a very huge thing to think about! I have faith that we will do a good job & he will turn out to be a good person. I'm nervous about everything, but i suppose it's normal to be nervous when it's something you have never done before & it's such a huge deal!

I can't wait for him to be here though! I plan to have only a few people there while i'm in labor. I don't mind them coming to see me & wish me luck. My MIL has already said that she will be in the waiting room the whole time even if i'm in labor for 2 days. I figure it will only be her & maybe SIL there. Probably my sis & cousin if they aren't working or something. I don't mind them coming to see me, but no one will be in the room but me & DH when i give birth.

It is going to be a very special occasion for both of us of course & we want to experience it alone. We want to bond with our son & i want to BF him before everyone starts piling in and passing him around. I want at least an hour alone with him & DH after i give birth & they finish messing with me & Silas. I know everyone has been waiting just as long as we have to see him & hold him, but he's our son & us bonding with him is more important than anyone else bonding with him.

My MIL said she wanted to come in & give me a kiss & leave us alone right after i give birth, but then i would have to let everyone come in & that's not happening. I'm not waiting till everyone is done with him before i get to start bonding with him & feeding him. Everyone can just wait bc i've been waiting 9 months just like they have & another hour or 2 won't kill them. My MIL said i would be too tired to have everyone there after i give birth & that's why she wants to just come in & then leave, but everyone knows that won't happen. They will come in & everyone will have to hold him & ooh & ahh over him & it will take forever! I'm not changing my mind on this. I'm sure i will be tired, but i will deal with it bc i am going to be alone with him when he's born no matter what & they can wait till i'm ready for them to come in.

My sis thought she was going to be in the delivery room with me. We joked about it when i first got pregnant & she was saying she was going to video tape it with close ups & everything. I never wanted anyone but me & DH to be in there & i think it upsets her, but it's our baby & our experience. Her & DH don't get along at all & there is no way i would let her be in there & ruin everything with the tension & stuff. My sis is a smart ass so i'm sure she would ruin it for me & DH. I'm going to tell her if she does anything to upset me or DH she is going to leave the hospital. Sister or not, this occasion is for me & DH.

Anyways, i hope the birth & everything goes well. I hope i can BF. I have been worried about that here lately. I haven't even thought about what i would do if i had to bottle feed. We do have bottles just in case.

My next dr. appt. is Wed. I hope maybe i've made some progress this week since i didn't last time. I hope i haven't gained too much weight this week either. I cna't eat much anymore anyways though. I have only gained a pound a week in like 4 weeks. I was gaining like CRAZY up till here lately. I have gained like 55 lbs so far. I was overweight pre preggo so that didn't help. I have to lose about 100 lbs after birth to get to a weight i will finally be happy with. I only have to lose the 55-60 to be back to my pre preggo weight. Which is still way too big! I plan to be at my pre preggo weight or lower by my birthday in May. Hopefully though i can lose it all by June or July so i can possibly wear a bikini next summer for the first time in my life. I have NEVER worn a bikini & i know DH would like it.

I'm trying to be realistic about what i will be able to do. I plan to walk everyday, even if it's bad weather or cold or anything, i'm going to go to Walmart & walk around. It doesn't matter, but i will walk every day. I want to get some exercise videos for home since i can't afford a gym & i don't have a sitter to go to the gym anyways. I want a few videos that i can do real quick while Silas is napping. I plan to do one of those every day & work a different part of my body as well as cardio or aerobics. I plan to cut a lot of carbs out of my diet since i do eat a whole lot of them. I am going ot eat more fresh fruits. I am not a veggie eater so i can't really do anything with veggies except try to mix them in with some foods so i can't taste them. I am going to drink better things. I drink a lot of sweet tea & i want to stop that & try to just drink water & juice & things that are good for you. I feel like i really have the will power to lose weight this time even though i haven't in the past. I'm very excited about losing weight & starting this journey even if it will be hard.

Sorry this has been so long...i'm just rambling & thinking out loud :) or thinking online :)

I hope everyone is ready for their LO's & good luck to those still early in the pregnancy & baby dust to those TTC!!!