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12-9-2008 - feeling crappy

My mood while writing this blog: crappy

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ok, so today i'm feeling really crappy and i don't know why!!!
everything is good in my life at the mo, i've got the perfect man who loves me and never reacts to my hormonal tempers...in fact, he'll do anything for me, my eldest is back at school and loving it and my youngest has just started preschool and is really enjoying it but dispite all this, i just feel really down.
i was diagnosed with post-natal depression while i was pregnant with my youngest but had been suffering from it since i was pregnant with my eldest, i took the medication for a while but it just made me feel numb and i didn't like it so i stopped taking it and have felt fine for ages.
i worried incase its coming back, i don't know why it would as like i said, everything is going good at the moment, but i can feel myself slipping back into my old ways of not caring about how i look, what state my house is in, not bothering to eat, all i want to do is curl up and sleep forever.
my oh knows i suffered from PND but i don't feel as though i can confide in him on how i'm feeling even though i know he would be really understanding and would help out more but tbh he already does so much and my two boys arn't even his children yet he'll do their tea, bath them, read them stories and put them to bed, he's even started cooking our tea which i always used to do, i always made sure he had his dinner almost ready for when he came in from work but i haven't even done that in a while.
as for our sexlife, my sex drive has just returned and is higher than ever and even though we're having sex virtually every night(sometimes even 2 or 3 times a day...sorry if TMI) i just don't feel as though i'm enjoying it, i think i'm only ''doing it'' as i completely lost all intrest in having sex in my first trimester and i'm trying to make up for it, i'd be just happy to sit/lie there and have a huge cuddle.
my dreams don't help the way i'm feeling either, if you've read my blog on my dreams you'll understand, i've had more since...dying whilst giving birth but being able to see how my family and my children reacted...it was heartbreaking, watching my youngest drown and not being able to help him and seeing my best mate die in a car crash...all my dreams seem to be centered around people i care about dying and it isn't helping the way i feel at the moment!
i just want the dreams to stop and for these horrible feelings to stop so can go back to feeling happy again and start looking forward to the birth of my little bubba instead of dreading it as i know i will get worse if these feelings don't stop!

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