18-2-2009 - I hate it when she hears me cry

My mood while writing this blog: sad

07:26am cold and rainy in CT... just like my mood...

Hi there

I think today was one of those days where my body is not responding to me, I found out on Tuesday that I will not be getting my job back after I have baby and since My job means alot to me, it's really hitting me hard, since Tuesday I havent sleept, I just lay awake and watch Hubby sleep and because I dont get rest Caitlin doesnt sleep at all either, she moves around all the time, she is feeling on that I am not doing good, so this morning for the first time I broke down and cried and I hated myself afterward because I dont want her to hear that and I dont want her to feel the unhappiness that this is bringing me, but I dont no how to deal with the fact that my boss made an unfair decition, She new that I wasnt doing too well over this time and that I have been sick all along, but still she made a decition to let me go because she needs someone more reliable in this position... I hate her for taking everything I worked for away from me and that she just took away an extra salary that wouldve made life for Hubby and me and Caitlin very easier, so now we have to live on hubby's salary only... which is gonna be difficult because our standard of living is higher, so now because of this my husband has decided that he is leaving for Johannesburg next week because he needs to earn more money to make up for the loss that we are going to experience... I hate this so much.

Cooper :-(