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|28-10-2010 - I want one more, DH does not
||My mood while writing this blog:|
So I haven't written a blog in quite some time and thought that I would see if other's have gone through this situation and how it turned out. I have two daughters, 3 and 10 months old. I am 100% certain that I want to have one more baby, and was hoping to start trying in January. I am also certain that I only want three and then I will for sure be done having children. The issue is that my husband is 100% sure that he does not want anymore. I am so torn over this. I feel like there is something missing from our family and I know that it is because my whole life I thought that I would have three children. I have always wanted 3 children and still do. Lately this is a constant debate in our house. I completely understand why he doesn't want anymore. Financially it is more expensive. We have hopes of building in two years and having another baby would set that dream back, we really want to pay for our children's university and adding another baby to the mix makes for saving a lot harder, and we would need to save a lot more! he is 36 and feels he is getting to old to have another one. Daycare is expensive! And paying for 3 children would be really expensice! All of these reasons are very good reasons, but deep down I keep thinking "we will adjust and make it work". I am fine with waiting to build, and the daycare issue will eventually pass, but then comes other expenses like sports, school, etc. I know I am being completely selfish in this. I have two beautiful healthy girls that I love more than I ever imagined I could love another person and I am so very thankful to have them as so many people cannot have children or have tried and tried and been unsuccessful and would do anything to just have one, but there is this ache in my heart that feels so empty.
I try to make myself change my mind and try to force my self to feel "done" but I am certain nothing will replace that feeling of wanting another baby, and not just a "baby" because babies get bigger, but to have three children. I see us at 60 with our three kids, their spouses and all their children. I come from a family of three and am so happy to have more than just one sibling. This is all I have ever known. My family on both parents side is huge, and I would not have it any other way! I want my children to also have a big family! My husband also comes from a family of three. I guess I am just not sure how I can get past this feeling. If we don't have anymore, will I ever feel whole?
I love my DH and he is an amazing father and is so helpful with everything. I don't want to force him into anything because that is not fair to him, just as it is not fair for him to just say no period without considering my feelings which I know he has. We just don't know how to come to a decision. There is no common ground in this, either one is happy or the other?
I hate that my biggest dream is his worst nightmare! Any advice?
Sorry blog is really long!!!
4 Comments on I want one more, DH does notmybitty7307
- Friday, 5 Nov It's very hard to make the argument for 3 I think. Two obviously is much much easier. Would it help if you said you wanted a little boy? Some of the people I know who have 3 children do so because they wanted to try for the other sex. I know it could be another girl. But then you'd be happy with three regardless, and he'd soon warm up to a new baby once she's here. I guess it's a little sneaky and he'd still have to agree to try. Sorry, I know this hard for you. I have this feeling it will work out, and hopefully to your advantage with him still feeling it's the right decision. Sorry I'm not much help, but I'll be following your progress and keeping my fingers crossed for you. mommy22girls
- Wednesday, 3 Nov I was in the same situation, I wanted another and my 38 yr old Dh was done ( he also has a 18 yr old boy from previous relationship). The thing is, after chatting with a friend who's 35 and has a two yr old and a 12 yr old, she expressed how much ten yrs makes a difference, she's super exhausted all the time. I'm sure not everybody is like that, but my husbands biggest reason to stop is his age. So I sorta gave in, the truth is, I feel pretty blessed that I have two beautiful bouncing girls, sure I'd love the third but the truth is he was happy with one and I wanted the second! I'm not saying you should give in to him, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone with this dilema. I'm sure whatever you both decide will make your family feel complete :) Take Care ~ I luv my boyz ~
- Friday, 29 Oct he will change his mind im on number 4 and he said 2 max lol!tell him you want a lil boy to balance the genders out ,,the more the merrier:) katie-g
- Friday, 29 Oct i love 1 more to all i can say is sit down with him and explain how you feel that 1 more will make you complete and happy and say im not think off tttc till Jan next year rob told he never wanted any more then we had Reagan dean :) im working on my man now to try again and we got to point when reagan dean 14 mths gd luck