28-10-2010 - I want one more, DH does not

My mood while writing this blog: disappointed

Hi Ladies,

So I haven't written a blog in quite some time and thought that I would see if other's have gone through this situation and how it turned out. I have two daughters, 3 and 10 months old. I am 100% certain that I want to have one more baby, and was hoping to start trying in January. I am also certain that I only want three and then I will for sure be done having children. The issue is that my husband is 100% sure that he does not want anymore. I am so torn over this. I feel like there is something missing from our family and I know that it is because my whole life I thought that I would have three children. I have always wanted 3 children and still do. Lately this is a constant debate in our house. I completely understand why he doesn't want anymore. Financially it is more expensive. We have hopes of building in two years and having another baby would set that dream back, we really want to pay for our children's university and adding another baby to the mix makes for saving a lot harder, and we would need to save a lot more! he is 36 and feels he is getting to old to have another one. Daycare is expensive! And paying for 3 children would be really expensice! All of these reasons are very good reasons, but deep down I keep thinking "we will adjust and make it work". I am fine with waiting to build, and the daycare issue will eventually pass, but then comes other expenses like sports, school, etc. I know I am being completely selfish in this. I have two beautiful healthy girls that I love more than I ever imagined I could love another person and I am so very thankful to have them as so many people cannot have children or have tried and tried and been unsuccessful and would do anything to just have one, but there is this ache in my heart that feels so empty.

I try to make myself change my mind and try to force my self to feel "done" but I am certain nothing will replace that feeling of wanting another baby, and not just a "baby" because babies get bigger, but to have three children. I see us at 60 with our three kids, their spouses and all their children. I come from a family of three and am so happy to have more than just one sibling. This is all I have ever known. My family on both parents side is huge, and I would not have it any other way! I want my children to also have a big family! My husband also comes from a family of three. I guess I am just not sure how I can get past this feeling. If we don't have anymore, will I ever feel whole?

I love my DH and he is an amazing father and is so helpful with everything. I don't want to force him into anything because that is not fair to him, just as it is not fair for him to just say no period without considering my feelings which I know he has. We just don't know how to come to a decision. There is no common ground in this, either one is happy or the other?

I hate that my biggest dream is his worst nightmare! Any advice?

Sorry blog is really long!!!