16-8-2010 - 2nd Angel

My mood while writing this blog: numb i think

Well, were to start, i had another miscarriage, i knew from the moment i got my bfp that this is what would happen, but the sad thing is how i protected myself against the hurt that i knew would be coming...

In march with my first mc it was such a raw horrible let down, i hypoventilated (sp) the pain in my chest, i couldn't breathe, it was the worst feeling and i can't ever get that memory out of my head, I haven't really talked about it, there is no use and i know that this sort of thing happens all the time! But this time i couldn't let myself go there i couldn't let myself go back into that place where i thought about a life forming, fingers,toes, etc, i didn't open one pregnancy book, i didn't rub my belly, and i haven't let one tear go yet......

I'm going to a different Obs/Gyn my appointment is early sep i'm really hoping she can help us,

I know i'm having a pity party here, but if i can't do it here where can i????? Sorry girls just had to get that out, there is lots more but i feel relieved to have those feelings out ;)