25-4-2009 - Sleep Deprivation? Hormones? Going Crazy? Kids?

My mood while writing this blog: overwhelmed

My 8 yr old son has recently been diagnosed with a behavioral disorder and it is pushing me to my limits. Without going into a lot of detail the pediatrician(that specializes in behavior problems) has said he feels it is something that my son inherited most likely from his father. He has been diagnosed with O.D.D. Which is oppositional defiance disorder. It is something that has gradually been getting worse and worse. I would say is started when he was a preschooler in daycare and got a lot worse in Kindergarten. It did improve a couple years ago when I was off work for a year on mat leave, but once I went back to work it hit again with a vengeance and has been even worse with the impending arrival of the new baby. It seems to be most problematic at school. The school cannot handle him so they call me or my hubby to go and get him and bring him home. Well, since they have started this he has begun to act up more and more, because who wouldn't??? If you learned that every time you didn't like doing something then you could act up and go home why would you behave? Don't get me wrong. Home time is not a rewarding time. He is made to do school work or read or write, but sometimes its better than sitting in school bored. He gets to hang out with mom or if I have worked the night before then he gets to sit and watch TV while I sleep because he certainly is not going to make himself do the school work. Yesterday my husband disconnected the TV, computers, videos games etc. and the boy still found other things to do rather than the story he was asked to write. At home for the most part he is a good child. My hubby, his step dad, has challenges with him, but he is improving in that respect. In fact everywhere else he is getting better. He is doing well at Judo. He loves his baseball. He is good when we get together with other friends and family. For the most part it is just school.

So, yesterday we got called to bring him home. While the teacher was on the phone with me he hung up the phone on us. I was livid. I got my hubby to go get him because I was going to lose it. I just do not understand what makes him so disrespectful. I never would have had the guts to do that as a child. I cried the whole entire afternoon. Bawled and bawled. I couldn't even look at him when he got home. I felt such anger and resentment. I feel like such a bad mother. Like I have raised him terribly. The school and doctor...everyone, has told us we are doing the best we can, but I just don't feel that way when things seem so much worse and not better. I phoned his principal after because there has to be a better solution. He is already only going half days due to his behavior and I just do not see how he is going to get a decent education missing so much school. Now, he cannot even make it through the mornings whereas he could before. There are schools out there that specialize in kids with behavioral problems and I honestly think that my son needs that. The regular school system is just not working for him anymore. The school is having a meeting Monday and they plan to get back to me with some things that might work for him. I hope they come up with something good that gets results or I see no other option than home schooling or fighting the school board to get him out of the regular school and one geared more towards him and his issues. Heck, I am pretty much home schooling him now anyhow.

I hope and pray we can get him turned in the right direction sooner rather than later. I know how his real dad turned out and it terrifies me that my child could end up that way.

The other two boys look up to my oldest son and they seem to be acting up more and more. My daughter, thankfully, is the mellow one that for now is causing me no issues. Sometimes I think I am crazy having a fifth child. I am so happy to be getting closer to baby's arrival, but at the same time I am freaked right out. What was I thinking adding one more to the mix? I do think the mat leave coming up will be good for my oldest son, but when I go back to work all hell will break loose again. I don't know.

I also just accepted a second job to try and bring a little more cash in the next three months before mat leave. I already have a full time night position, but feel we need to save a little more before my year off. Last mat leave was such a struggle financially as the gov't doesn't really pay great. Don't get me wrong, the year off with some income is great, but with a family of 6 soon to be 7 its barely liveable when you are used to making more than double of what they give. I am sure we will be fine and I am just over stressing about nothing. Last mat leave we managed to have a fun summer and planned and paid for half a wedding. So, I am sure we are going to be fine. I am just being hormonal. I should really be thankful for everything I do have.

Anyhow, thanks for reading. I really needed to get all that off my chest.

I hope things calm down for you so that you can relax stress free and put your feet up for a while ;o)

neicie04 - Saturday, 25 Apr
Wow, you have got your hands full! 2 jobs, working nights, and a child with OOD. I agree that he knows when he acts up he can go home. And being sent home and going half days at school, it has to be hard to make sure he gets the same education as the rest of the kids his age. I can't imagine to be going through that. I think it would be better if you tried a school that would better meet his needs. I can't imagine going through everything you are and while being pregnant. I hope it gets better :)

AllyCat62683 - Saturday, 25 Apr
I was diagnosed with ODD when I was younger, but it was probably closer to 12-14years of age when they diagnosed me. I think every kid can be diagnosed with ODD. My son was a handful for a year or so when I was dealing with a bad relationship and his real dad was never a part of the picture so I am sure it affected him. He used to climb on tables at the daycare and throw chairs. He got kicked out from the daycare on come days for punching and kicking and biting and spitting and it was just awful. I felt like a terrible mother too. I pretty much sat down with him and cried to him and said look man, you cant do this stuff. You need to be on your best behavior because it hurts mommy, and I asked him is he liked hurting me. I think that made somewhat of an impact on him because he has improved. He still has rough days but over all I think we nipped it in the butt and I stay on top of him. If he is in daycare then ask them to help. It can be tiring but it helps. My son got put on behavior monitoring so they would rate him everyday. Then we would talk with him about it. Kids are way smart so I think communicating with them all the time about it is the most helpful. Then if they don't comply they lose the things they enjoy. I have restricted my son from playing with all toys, TV, games, everything and made him sit with me all night for poor choices. He just turned 5 so it was pretty devistating to lose all those priviledges. Just keep your head up and realize you are NOT a bad mom. Kids are kids and they learn in different ways. It is harder dealing wtih kids when you are pregnant and it looks as though you have kept that in mind already. Good luck!

liltnkygrl - Saturday, 25 Apr
I am so sorry!! only having one child (who is 14 months) I have never personally had to expierence this from a mother's view point but my husbands little sister (who just turned 7 in december) was recently diagnosed with the same thing. She was having the exact same issues in regards to school as your son. What they have done is placed her in counseling sessions twice a week, one where she is by her self and the second where her mother and father go with her. This has helped her a lot, and has allowed her to continue to go to public school without the issues she has had before (she has her fall back days but the improvement is remarkable!) I know they put her on some type of medication as well (don't know what it is called.. sorry) and that seems to keep her from rageing out on people. Another thing that my husbands parents did was look for a support group of parents going through the same thing in regards to children with behavioral issues. there were not physical meetings in our area but she found one online.. and this helped the mother's viewpoint on the disorder, she was offered tons of information on ODD and had a support link when she needed a crutch *because she felt like a bad mother* Trust me... there are several mothers that are in your position, and I can assure you that going through this does not make you a bad mother, seeing all the things that my mother-in law has went through because of this puts me in awe and shows me how remarkable of a mother she actually is.. stay strong!! You are a WONDERFUL mother!