30-7-2009 - Unsure what all this means?

My mood while writing this blog: Confused

Well tonight i went to the toilet and had a load of discharge which was brown like blood i wiped a few more times and had something which looked like dark brown vessel, i also had low pain in my tummy and lower back.

I sat on loo a while as i really thought this is the end.

I also had this strange thing which happend when i lost Georgie, i know it was a medically induced miscarriage but around an hour before he passed i had a popping sensation and then felt something traveling down almost like something a going to drop out, i had this tonight twice

I phoned NHS direct but they are only dealing with calls regarding swine flu, so i called our out of hours surgery the lady at the primary care was very rude to me and said well dont you know about embedding? im like what! ive been pregnnat 4 times i DO KNOW my body, but seeing how she is medically trained and i am not then i shall belive her and HOPE that its correct .

Its been a few hours now and everything has calmed down, i feel sick and my BB's are a tad sore a good sign i HOPE!

my hubby hasn't been much use he says i should stop stressing even told me to head of out to the late shop in the car to treat myself is he for REAL!

I really dont need this, i need support not someone telling me that my timing is shit and that they cant have anymore time of work etc well im sorry to be a burden next time i will keep my mouth shut and get on with what life has in store for me, after all he doubts my everything!

He has no idea what i go through im stuck at home day in day out 16 hours a day while he is away with 2 kids whom are totally playing me up right now, i have a house full of workman at the moment fitting a new bathroom etc no friends/ family for support no nothing its HARD! some ppl think they have such a hard time well try being me! my life isn't a bed of roses by far! im STUPID! stupid stupid stupid!!

I mean take the Dr at my routine app following my confirmation of the pregnancy..ern Hi..hi Dr well erm what can i do for you! oh well you ask that when you confirm pregnancies we arrange a routine app with you...Right soo Ummm..yes umm well do you have any pets!? yes Dr i have a Dog well dont be picking up any Dog shit! oh thanks for that Dr thanks for your fkin time! i shalt bother in future because according to you and the lazy bastards at the EPAU we arnt pregnnat untill were ready to deliver! ain't that right.

Don't they know that just sometimes us woman need just a little bit of understanding or reassurance just something!! after all isn't this what they are paid for!

Maybe i am worried at every little thing but ive a rights to be im HUMAN after all!!