07-11-2008 - So mixed up lol

My mood while writing this blog: Unsure, Nervous, Sick

Ha ha ha you can tell ive got my net connected here i am blogging again!!!!

I im unsure of how i feel i have SOOO many emotions going through me right now.

I am happy and excited that i have an induction date so i can prepare and it is only 9 days away. DH and I were sat talking last night about it, like he said, its good for everyone but its only ME suffering (he hates seeing me like this). Baby wll be better where he is, and everyone can make plans etc.

I am scared of being induced because of everything that happened last time.When i sit and really think about it i start to feel really anxious. Do i want to try and go naturally pain relief wise, or have an epi? If i decide not to have epi i will be able to get up and move about but i really dont know how ill handle the pain. If i have epi ill have to have a catheter fitted and be stuck but on the plus side my BP wont shoot up with the pain.

I feel fed up already. My belly aches. I keep getting so many different aches and pains that sometimes i think oh perhaps this could be it, but because of having so many false alarms i just wait and wait, and eventually they go again. I get really bad back ache which comes through the front like a bad period pain. Ive been getting diarrhea (I have just been put on iron tablets which has made it black now) I dont know if the back pain and period pain is linked to the diarrhea or not. I have been feeling sick but not actually been sick. Ive been getting sharp pains like twinges down there that make me jump, and whenever i do anything i get such bad pressure. I am still getting BH now and again. Plus now as well as getting heartburn, im getting bad indegestion.

By the time i go to bed at night im almost ready to give up...and when i get up in the morning i feel soooo tired and ache so badly. By the afternoon i dont feel too bad, and then by the evening it all seems to start up again. Bless DH at night he makes a lovely hot chocolate with marshmallows in it.

I am pleased im making it to 38 weeks for my baby, and deep down i know its best for him and i should not be complaining. but sometimes i just dont know how much more i can put up with. I have a small part of me that wants to labour naturally before i have to get induced, and the other part is like noooo you dont.

I guess i have to think ive been pregnant 8 MONTHS.....so what is 9 DAYS!!! Plus its 2-4 weeks earlier than some women and they have to put up with the EXACT same things as me, but longer.....I really have to stop feeling sorry for myself lol