10-7-2008 - Verbal diarrhea

My mood while writing this blog: Sardonically amused

Maybe my Extremely Advanced Age has made me intolerant. It's possible. But it does occur to me that people do say the darndest things.

One person, when learning I was pregnant, said without a moment's hesitation, "But you're so old!"

A friend of mine has a son at high school with my own. She introduced me to a friend of hers. The friend, who then learned I was pregnant, said, "Oh, so this must be a new husband, then? Starting over?" As if Enquiring Minds Want To Know. (Um, no. Same old husband, sorry to disappoint, O Mighty Scandal Queen.)

A horrified in-law (the worst offenders for chronic and explosive verbal diarrhea as a rule), her face registering the utmost shock, asked in a hushed tone, "Will you keep it....? Is it... really appropriate for someone so old to be publicly pregnant...?" (As opposed to what? Privately pregnant, publicly not so much?)

OK, now for the record, I'm 38. Thirty-flipping-eight. To go from public reaction, you'd swear I was one of those withered women in the Bible who had been past childbearing for nine generations and had to have angelic messengers bring them news of conception by miraculous intervention.

Speaking of immaculate conceptions, my son, when told the news, nearly passed out cold. "How did *that* happen?" he demanded, once he could breathe again.

"If you need elaboration, then I've not done my job properly as an educator," I replied. Mind you, he swears he needs counseling even to contemplate his parents doing that. He would clearly opt for the immaculate conception version.

Another deep thinker, on hearing the news, just grinned and said "Oooops!" Now imagine, to put it clearly in context, that it came from a NUN! Another nun next to her chimed in with, "It's so refreshing to see people opt against contraception, even when they're older."

So it's amusing to listen to what comes out of people's mouths. Like most diarrhea, the verbal variety seems to be largely spontaneous, splendidly unpleasant, and stinks up a room for a while afterwards.

But I do take comfort in reminding myself that all diarrhea comes from an ass of one description or another.

Maybe I'll just start handing them Imodium.