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16-5-2008 - Update

My mood while writing this blog: ok

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So far so good, I am past the point of where I lost my last baby and so far no bleeding, no spotting...a little cramping but I've read that's normal. Nothing severe anyway. I've actually been around on message boards trying to calm the nerves of other pregnant women who are worried about miscarrying. The thing about miscarrying, is that when it happens you will KNOW. It's not a spot of blood, or even a streak of blood when you wipe. It's a gush of blood, it's filling pads quickly and when they say passing "tissue or clots" no no...they mean passing the baby and as terrifying as that sounds it's true. When I miscarried with Kaitlynn there was no doubt in my mind, she looked just like the pictures you see at 7 weeks. I know this sounds gross and scary, but I wish the books had been more frank about what miscarrying really is. I think it would calm a lot of people out there to know that a spot, doesn't necessarily mean you're miscarrying. Oh and the "cramps" no, I would say contractions or excruiating pain. I was hurting so bad that I was wallowing in the bed crying out to God I was in so much pain. And then I had this urge to push, kind of like I had to go number two really bad. That's when you know you're miscarrying. I've probably scared the pants off these women not meaning to of course but if you don't have any of that then you shouldn't worry. I've been trying to tell myself that, to just calm down and not worry until I have a reason to.

I still haven't told my family yet, I just can't. I mean I want to but at the same time, I don't lol. I think everything will be ok, I'm praying that everything will be ok. But I mean, my boobs are sore and swollen, my morning sickness has kicked in full time this week, I'm peeing like sea biscuit and I'm constipated, how many more symptoms do I need? :) But I appreciate every second of it, in fact this past sunday when I was throwing up I thanked the good Lord for my morning sickness, I'm sure He doesn't hear that everyday ;)

I'm looking forward to my ultrasound next friday, hoping to see a healthy little baby :)

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