J9's I-am-pregnantblog

J9
	Age: 32 Country: UK Province/region: City: Partner: husband mike Children: Yes, 2 Pregnant: No Due date: 04 Jan ,2011 Occupation: Psychologist
	Online: 2 days ago. Last updated: 259 days ago. Member since: 1429 days
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06-5-2008 - follow up with the doctor 24th april

My mood while writing this blog:
Ok

24th April 2008
We had our doctor's appointment yesterday, the first one since I went into hospital. It was such an ordeal. Here's what happened:
We arrived and reported in to reception. When I said who I was the receptionist looked confused, as though they weren't expecting me. The waiting room was full and she proceeds to ask me "how far along are you?" to which I abruptly replied "I'm not". We were told to take a seat and by the time I go to my chair I was trying to stop the tears. It caught me by surprise being asked that question and it was very emotional being back in that place, since last time we were our lives fell apart. We waited a few minutes and I calmed down. Just as I felt ok again a midwife came up to me and again, in front of everyone, asked me how far gone I was. At this point I became very upset and started to cry. Hubby was pretty angry by this stage. We were taken into a quiet room and the midwife explained that we weren't supposed to have been given an appointment at that hospital and that the consultant preferred to see people in our situation somewhere else (for emotional reasons). They didn't have my notes but the consultant met with us anyway. There was little we could do but have a general chat about how I had recovered. She gave us the all clear to try again when we feel ready and told me to get in touch when I am pregnant.
We both came out of the hospital feeling quite emotional... I think it opened up the scars which were only just starting to heal. I can't believe they can have such a system where it's up to the patient to explain why they are there... surely they should have known why I was there! It hurt even more being in a room full of pregnant women. I should have been one of them going for a 20 week scan at this stage but instead I'm totally empty inside. It breaks my heart.
My body has been feeling weird these last few weeks. I've had all sorts of weird aches in my stomach and have had some spotting. I'm on CD 19 now and so far all my OPKs have come back negative. When I got pregnant last time I got a positive on CD 18. Maybe my body is telling me I'm not ready this month. Mike and I have sort of agreed to wait till next month following the appointment yesterday. At the very least I will have another months worth of Folic Acid and Inositol in my system to give us the best chance.

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