19-6-2008 - Updated 6th AUGUST - First Trimester

My mood while writing this blog: Happy and Nervous!

6th August - 12 weeks 3 days

I just wanted to make a note for the record.. today and yesterday I experienced what I can only describe as a bubbling sensation low in my tummy.. both times it was brief, like a bubble travelling across my belly on the inside. Now I know it is very early and is most likely gas but I am wondering if it could possibly be the baby moving. I guess time will tell if I get that same sensation stronger as the weeks go by but I just wanted to make a note of when I first noticed it... gosh I sure hope it is the baby! I have had those gassy feelings in the past but for some reason it felt different these two times... the one today happened when I got back to my desk after having lunch so maybe baby was responding to that! Come on bubba kick you mama some more!!!

5th August - 12 weeks 2 days

Well, this time next week I'll have had my scan and should find out if baby is healthy... This wait has been very tough and I'm glad it's almost over... I know there are many milestones ahead and there are sure to be other things that will worry me but I just really need to get through this scan and have a positive outcome... I feel in my heart of hearts that this is meant to be, but I'm just scared to death of believing that whole heartedly and being devastated again... I just can't imagine getting that news again, I just don't know what I'd do... Mike is also very nervous... he is just the sweetest person... I'm trying not to show how scared I am cause I know that will make it harder for him. Of course he knows I'm worried but I'm trying to just stay positive for both our sakes. I don't think it would do either of us any good to think pessimistically and I don't think our baby deserves that!

My nausea is more under control now and I really don't feel sick anymore unless I'm faced with a food or smell I can't tolerate. Haven't put weight on yet either but knowing what I'm like it tends to just 'appear' one day in one huge bundle so I'll probably wake up in a couple of weeks and be 10 pounds heavier!!! It doesn't worry me though, I'm eating well and still craving lots of fruit so I'm lucky that constipation isn't a problem!!

Another symptom I have developed recently and especially this week is that of being very weepy... I cry at the drop of a hat these days! Any ads on TV showing babies, children or cute animals have been in tears, any tender or vaguely sad moments in movies, documentaries etc.. you name it, it tugs at my heart strings!! I just sit there with the tissue box and let it all out!

My clothes are definitely tight around the waist and I'm becoming increasingly limited in terms of what I can wear. My boobs are huge so many tops are too revealing! Although I bought a pair of maternity trousers in week 8 I have not worn them yet.. call me funny but I sort of want to wait till the scan before officially wearing mummy-to-be clothes! If all is well next Tuesday I'm going to have to go shopping!!!

So next time I write I should have had the scan and will be reporting on the outcome... I think I'll give that a separate blog like I did with the last scan... This is going to be a tough week so if anyone reads this please send me some positive vibes... I just know I am going to be an emotional mess next Tuesday; just hoping I can hold it together till we get through it. I'm sure there will be heaps of tears regardless of the outcome!

29th July - 11 weeks 2 days

Two weeks exactly to the next ultrasound.. counting down day by day! I'm trying to break the wait down into more manageable chunks with other things going on.. so, 2 days till the builder comes to fix our floor and we get our new car, 9 days to our 4 year wedding anniversary, 13 days to an 'away day' with my team at work.. I know the day will be here before we know it but I just think about it all the time now!

In other news, I had a terrible nausea moment on sunday. I was happily laying on the couch when suddenly I sat up gagging. I ran to the loo convinced I was going to vomit and ended up with my head down the bowl gagging away for a few minutes... luckily it passed and I wasn't sick.. hummm, they say that sickness can be a sign of having a girl.. I have had a strong feeling that bub is a girl so maybe it's true! I don't care either way to be honest but it'll be interesting to see if my hunch is true. Hubby would ideally like to have a boy first but will obviously be happy regardless.. I think he worries a little girl will have him wrapped round her little finger and he totally lose control!!

Another week has gone by and I'm just so grateful that things seem to be going well.. what a little miracle I have growing inside me!

23rd July - 10 weeks 3 days

Well just as I though sickness had passed it seems to have done a U turn on me! Haven't felt great this week I must say.. I've had waves of nausea, though not as bad as before and also a headache I just can't seem to shake off.. also feeling pretty tired and lacking in energy. I can't believe it's almost 2 weeks already since we had that scan.. midwife appointment is in just 2 days so I've been counting down to that!! Since finding out the date of our next scan time feels like it's been passing more slowly. I think it's just because I'm dying to get good news and be able to put this nagging 'what if' feeling behind me... I have to believe this baby is healthy and growing well but I'm just so terrified of getting bad news and having it all end tragically again... I think of bub practically every minute of every day which isn't helping to pass the time I know! I've set myself mini targets to get done around the house over the summer so hopefully that will get me focused and spur me on. Grow baby grow!

18th July - 9 weeks and 5 days

Wow! It's already been one whole week since we had our ultrasound scan and got to see our beautiful wriggling peanut. I wrote a poem about the scan but am not yet sure if I want to post it on here or not!

Things are going well and there isn't much to report! My belly is poking out a bit more now, I'm very tired in the afternoons but am not really sick much anymore. I'm enjoying drinking ginger ale with orange juice which helps when my tummy is a bit woozy!

I have my midwife booking appointment on Friday the 25th so one week away. I know they'll do blood work but not sure what else to expect. I've also just heard that I'll be having my next scan (the one with my consultant) on Tuesday 12th August. I'll be 13 weeks and 2 days then. She's going to be on holiday during my 12th week so I have to wait a little longer than expected.. I'm a bit anxious about that scan given our last experience but there is a part of me that thinks that maybe it's a good thing to wait another week... The baby will be one more week along so hopefully if the outcome is good then it'll be even more reassuring that having it at 12 weeks. I have a pretty good feeling anyway but I'm sure I'll be beside myself with anxiety and worry as the day approaches. Everyday is a milestone and not to be wasted so I should try not to worry too much in advance! I hope and pray all is well .

That's all I think I have to say for now! Onwards and upwards we go!

6th July - 8 weeks

So, I just had an email from my consultant (the one who dealt with us through our last ordeal). She told me to email her when I got pregnant again which I did. She's going to be the one to scan me at 12 and 16 weeks which I find reassuring. She also mentioned that I could go to my GP and get a referral for an early 'reassurance scan'. I'm already booked to have one privately on the 11th but this would be mean we would get it on the nhs so wouldn't have to pay (well, free if you don't count the thousands of pounds we pay in national insurance deductions each year!!!). So I think we're going to go with the NHS scan so I'm going to try to see my GP early next week and get it sorted. It might mean that we have to wait longer than the 11 th which is a bummer as I was really looking forward to it. Oh well, that's life I guess! Will update when I know what's going on. I gave in yesterday and bought a pair of maternity trousers as mine are getting quite tight around the waist! It was quite a reality shock when I put them on but was pretty exciting too!

3rd July - 7 weeks and 4 days

Another week has gone by! On the one hand time is passing so slowly but on the other it feels like it's going so fast! The morning sickness has continued and in fact has got worse. It seems to get worse as the day progresses, reaching it's peak in the early evening so making dinner hasn't been easy. I haven't been sick yet but I have been gagging in the last couple of days which is unpleasant. I'm still enjoying fruit so am snacking on grapes, strawberries, cherries and melons quite a bit.. yummy! I know I feel quite miserable when the sickness is in full swing but it reassures me at the same time so I'm actually happy to put up with it.
Hubby and I bit the bullet and booked a private scan for the 11th July. I'll be 8 weeks and 5 days by then so should be able to get a good view. Mike was happy to go along with my wishes and I debated it for a while but decided it would be a good thing. I know we won't be able to tell if the baby has anencephaly at that early stage but I figure I am going to be in pieces before my 12/13 week scan that having seen baby previously will give me some comfort. I'm feeling both excited and nervous about the scan. I know all my symptoms are good signs but I can't help but wonder if all is really well... still, I'm staying positive until given reason not to!
I took my first belly pic at 6 weeks and will take my second at 8 weeks. I am definitely noticing some swelling and infact look like I did at 12 weeks last time! Even hubby said he could see a little bump last night when I showed him! I've been a bit paranoid at work trying to hide my changing body, sometimes I feel like everyone can tell just by walking past me but I'm sure that's not true... they probably just think I've had one too many biscuits! If only they knew that the thought of biscuits makes me gag!!!

Morning sickness officially started yesterday! Hooray to feeling sicky! It's not pleasant at all and no I don't enjoy it but it certainly gives me some reassurance that things are 'happening'! I'm also feeling pretty tired but have had this week off so have indulged in a few naps. Luckily I have had no more spotting since last week which is just great and I hope I never see that brown stuff again! I have had cravings for fresh fruit (long may it last!!) so have been eating lots and lots of it... seems to have cured my constipation which is a bonus! :-)
I went to my doctor on Monday to start the paperwork for my hospital of choice. Nothing much happened, my blood pressure was on the low side which is normal for me. She reckons the spotting was nothing to be worried about and would not indulge me in an early scan... damn the NHS and their targets!! No, I know they only do them when there is a cause for concern so I should be happy I don't need one.. I'd just like to see my little peanut... so I think I might indulge in a private scan, probably in week 8. My doctor did say I would have an extra Anomaly scan at 16/17 weeks to check on the baby's development, obviously particularly the head, brain and spine. I'm very grateful we'll be getting that scan.
Well, I think that is all I have to say for now!

Things have been ticking along nicely this past week. Still a little tired and hungry but no nausea yet (come on already!!). Unfortunately, I had a bit of a scare today... I was at work in between appointments and went to use the toilet and found brown discharge in my panties. It was like tinged CM. I sat staring at my pants for a while wondering what to do. I decided to cancel my second appointment and head straight home to rest. I couldn't help but worry on the drive home and welled up with tears just at the thought that something could be wrong. I didn't have spotting with my last pregnancy and haven't done anything that could have caused it like BD or something. Luckily, I've been home for over 5 hours now and there is no sign of any more spotting and I haven't had any pain so I'm hoping it's all over and ok. I'll be going to the doctor on monday morning and will discuss it then... am kind of hoping I'll be able to get an early scan for some reassurance but heavens knows if the National Health Service will allow that!

So it has been 5 days since I got my BFP and it all still seems very surreal! I decided to do another test yesterday because the first one was very faint. Fortunately the line was a LOT darker and appeared straight away so I'm feeling optimistic that, for now, things are going well. I've booked myself in for an appointment with the GP on 23rd June just to get my paperwork started for the hospital... it will then be a case of waiting for the 12 week scan appointment.
Since testing, I've continued to feel very tired and hungry and am also a little constipated (joy!). I haven't had any more cramping since the time AF was due. Based on my last experience, I'm expecting the symptoms to really kick in at around 6 weeks... boy am I looking forward to that! Bring on the morning sickness!!!
I can't express how grateful I feel for this second chance! I am feeling truly blessed and am aiming to take each day as it comes. There is a long journey ahead and lots of milestones to reach but it will all happen when it's supposed to so I shall try to stay positive and relaxed!