18-12-2009 - Family

My mood while writing this blog: hurt/upset

My sisters make me so mad! this christmas they are celebrating it with my mom like they do EVERY YEAR! and my dad had made plans to come and celebrate it with us. But my sisters are all like we aren't coming because we have other plans. and Every time my dad comes to town they all make plans to do something so they don't have to see him. it drives me insane! If i don't talk to my mom for more then a week or if i am to busy to see her for a week they get mad at me! and try to set it up so i am not busy! i have no idea what to do.. i shouldn't really care! but i hate seeing my dad hurt and alone for christmas. it makes me want to cry so much!

Just so you know. my parents got divorced when i was 9. i do not remember much from that year for 3 years after that. it was long and painful! every since then my oldest sister has hardly talked to our dad since she moved out. and when she does she is asking for help or for money. and my middle sister only talks to my dad when she needs to be bailed out of some bill or is in to much trouble she can't fix it herself. and the both make it like the divorce was his fault! but being the youngest i can not say whose it was or what even happened. coming from a family like this i hope i never have to put my children through the same thing.

Every year its the same thing. My dad becomes the asshole because he never makes up his mind what he is doing. and its because even if he does make up his mind my sisters make him be alone and im one of those people who hates to make someone hurt! if i don't do anything with my dad then he has no one! but my mom is happy and so are my sisters. Then if i don;t do anything with my mom my dad is happy and my mom and sisters are hurt! Christmas hurts me every year just as much as thanksgiving does. my sister are so cold to my dad and he doesn't even do anything wrong. he does everything they ask! and i wish he would realize that he is being used!

My husband does not understand what christmas means to me. His family is still together and in one piece.. my family is broken and in like 2 pieces. to him christmas is all about family and celebrating the birth of jesus. to me christmas is just another day where i get to suffer the fact that my family is no longer together. and trying to tell him that is like bangng my head against the wall. i have no idea what to do. it never goes away! austens birthday my parents couldn't even get along to be in the same house! and when i had him my dad came up at like midnight to see austen because my mom was there all day! and when we got married my parents couldnt even be in the same hall. i had to scream at them on my wedding day to even get pictures and even eat dinner with everyone. i so hope im not like them when i am older. Thanks for reading this and sorry for the ranting. but this is not my time of year!