16-8-2008 - Family issues...

My mood while writing this blog: concerned

Okay so I'm just going to put this whole situation out there and if anyone has any advice I'd greatly appreciate it!!

My sister is like my best friend, she is 26 with 3 boys and I love them very much! Her oldest boy is 5 years old now and has a temper like a mad man! He was a preemie and he has had a lot of issues with ADD and ADHD . Well, I was at my sister's house last nite helping her with her boys, her oldest like I said is 5, her middle son is almost 2, and her youngest is 2 months-- her youngest was very preemie (born at 32 weeks!). I was feeding the youngest while she was trying to clean and get the other boys ready for bed. The two older boys started fighting over a toy and my sister took it away from both of them and told them both to find something else to play with. Well her oldest, his name is Ethan, started kicking and punching her, this is normal behavior from him these days so she is used to it! She just took his shoes off of him and put him in time out. Well about 2 minutes later, Ethan comes around the corner with his shoe and THREW it at my sister and hit her in the head! I tried telling her to move because I saw it coming! So then she gave him a spanking and put him in bed. A moment later he comes down the stairs and goes into the dining room and starts pushing over all of her antique chairs, he throws a small bench that is in the bathroom, and says "You better watch out mommy, I'm going to throw this at your head and bury you in the backyard!" I was in SHOCK! I've never seen him act this way. I just sat there and held her youngest, afraid to leave my sister alone there or to put the baby back in his swing, I didn't want him getting caught in the crossfire! Ethan was screaming and crying and I've never seen him be so violent! A few moments pass by and he comes in with a chair over his head from his play room and is threatening to throw it at her! The other 2 boys just sat there, the youngest slept through the entire thing and her 2 year old just sat next to me and watched tv! This is like normal for their house!

Is it bad that when I left there I called my husband and told him that I was scared to have our daughter be around Ethan much when she is born? I don't want his ways rubbing off on her, and I don't want her to be hurt! I just kept thinking that if my sis wasn't standing there when he threw that shoe, it would have hit me or the baby that I was holding! A shoe to a preemie's head is life threatening! How can I trust that my baby won't get hurt going over there? And also, how do I tell my sister that we can't come over that often because I don't want Ethan around my baby! I love Ethan to death, he is my first born nephew, I really just feel so bad for him..but there is NO reason to act this way! Oh and did I mention that 1/2 way through this whole temper tantrum, the 2 year old walked up and handed Ethan the toy that they were fighting over and said "Love you E" and Ethan just pushed him down? It's like he even got what he wanted and still the fit went on!

I don't know what to do, I don't think I could ever have my sister babysit my daughter even though she wants to so badly because she doesn't have any girls, but I don't think a baby of any gender needs to be around Ethan, he is just entirely too rough! Is there a way of telling my sister this without feeling like she is going to be mad at me??