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08-10-2008 - 38 weeks

My mood while writing this blog: ok

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Hi Some of you have had your babies already! Congratulations. I know she "will" arrive - but the waiting this time around is more difficult than I remember for my two full term boys. I'm working tomorrow and after that any additional lectures I can fit in are "bonus" but not "vital". So if I can just get through tomorrow..... What is the bet that I go overdue? I don't want my waters to break before 100 students so am nervous about the 2 hour lectures. I had uncomfortable feelings the last lecture and was very seriously thinking of cutting it short just in case. I wear dark clothes and a pad to the lectures. Maybe I'll stay behind the lecturn from now on as well. School holidays over here so we're spending a lot of time with Thomas - who turned 7 on Oct 5 - 3 days ago. Their birthdays will be close. Gosh it is amazing to see that Thomas and Toby love Aria already. They're going to be wonderful brothers (although Toby keeps asking if she is dead as that is his experience with my last pregnancy). No, I keep saying, Aria is definately coming to live with us. Any day now. I'm dealing with a stressful employment issue at my husband's work. This employee is simply not performing but is, we believe, capable of improving. The difficulty is - she refuses to take any responsibility for the issues (it is always someone elses' fault and the manager is "picking on her" and "determined to get rid of her"). The absolute truth is that they are NOT trying to get rid of her - she has a young babe and we really want her to fit in and improve - but if not then there is no choice really, she'll have to go. It is difficult to see how she will improve given that she refuses to acknowledge there are problems with her work. So her approach is really her own downfall - which is very frustrating as she'll no doubt prove herself right and find herself "gone" - even though she also has it within her power to take responsibility, improve, and stay. We tell her all of this but she simply feels picked on and defensive etc and now has this advocate on board that seems to support this approach - meaning we are getting nowhere near the improvements required (instead she is alienating everyone around her). So sad - and Christmas is coming up - will she improve or will she have to go? Meanwhile it is causing a lot of stress for me (as I'm the behind the scenes advisor) at a time when I really don't want any more stress. Also, our rental has been vacant for 3 months - so all extra cash is going to that mortgage. An unsustainable situation causing a lot of lost sleep. Not to mention the fact that I'm not sleeping well anyway because of this belly!!!! And soon my income will cease. And the two teenage students living with us (for a board) move out in December meaning a further drop in income. I've been following the stresses of some of the other mums and I KNOW we're ok and quite able to cope with short to medium term challenges. Some of the other mums have serious financial stresses. But it is nonetheless still something that weighs on my mind. I just want to relax and enjoy this period of my life but actually find myself quite anxious about many different things. That is not like me - could it be a reflection of my daughter's personality coming out in me? Or is it all "valid and to be expected"?

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1 Comments on 38 weeks


MrsKiwi - Thursday, 9 Oct
Goodness... certainly sounds like you have reason to be stressed, for sure. I hope the employee at your husband's work can see the bigger picture and get her act together. Praying things work out so you can relax and enjoy your little girl when she arrives.