05-7-2008 - Joshua Andrew Wright - Shields

My mood while writing this blog: so so

I've not really been on here much since Joshua was born as i haven't really had the chance as most of my days now are taken up by him. I've managed to come on every now and then to check for msgs and things but thats it. Today is one of the rare days tho where i do have a bit of time so i've decided to give everyone an update on how we're doing.

Joshua is 3 weeks and 1 day old now and it doesn't seem like 5 mins since he was born. He's already smiling he's been smiling for about a week now. (people never believe me when i tell them they say its just wind however i know its not cos he smiles when i tickle his chin and nose repeatedly) He hates sleeping on his back. Whenever I lay him down in his moses basket or crib on his back he rolls straight away on to his side. Everyday he seems to do something new.

It hasn't at all been easy tho. Most days i've spent crying my eyes out for no apparent reason at all and feeling like a useless mum. Especially at night when his daddy hasn't been there and i've struggled to settle him. I'm living with my mum at the moment untill me and Andy are offered a council house, we are currently third on the list. Andy is living with his parents and during the week while he's working joshua and me stay at my mums and then at weekends we stay at andy's.

I originally planned on breast feeding joshua however I have inverted nipples which made it that little bit harder for him to latch on. In the end I started to pump my breast milk and feed it him that way however i have now stopped that 2 as since last saturday i've had this really bad cold and chest infection and didnt want to pass anything on to him. Unfortunately even though i've tried to not to breathe on him and not given him my milk he seems to have caught a little bit of my cold :-(

I'm currently feeding him Aptamil milk formula which i've been recommended to use by a few of my other mummy friends. Its the next best thing to breast milk apparently. He seems quite settled on it now. He has 4oz every 3 - 4 hours. Hes quite a windy baby tho and does sometimes struggle to bring up all his wind which then makes him sick. Luckily its not that often. Hes put on quite a bit of weight now since i've been feedin him formula which im pleased about because when i was trying to breast feed him he did lose quite a bit of weight.

Joshua wakes up about 2 - 3 times for his feed and nappy change. Sometimes he will settle straight back to sleep again other times he will stay wide awake for hours on end crying quite a bit even after i've fed him, changed him, cuggled him and given him a bit of water aswell when he's thirsty in between feeds. He likes to be held all the time and doesn't like to be put down. When i'm at andy's we take it in turns to get up in the night with him but when i'm at home its just me on my own and i do find it really hard. My mum works mainly early mornings so i try not to wake her and stuff n if its one of those nights where he doesn't settle i find myself crying my eyes out thinking he hates me as it only ever seems to be me he doesn't settle for. I know he doesn't but i cant help thinkin that at times. Hopefully things will get better tho.

Another thing is i'm still bleeding 3 weeks after giving birth which i dont think is normal. if things don't clear up by tuesday when the health visitor comes i'll mention it to her. I did have to have alot of stitches but still i dnt think i should be bleeding this long.

Anyway i've got to go now will update again soon xx