20-8-2009 - Back From Samoa (So many things going wrong at one time)

My mood while writing this blog: Depressed

Next, Ken leaves on saturday to head dow to Florida. I havent seen seen him on over a week and now I only have 2 days before I dont see for months and maybe even over a year. I still cant believe he is really going, but I have to let him.

Third, its been a little over 5 weeks since the miscarriage, but I am afraid that I may be pregnant again. We started doing the do, about a week or so after the miscarriage and was quite frequently doing it up until I left. I had a drs appointment to go for birth control, but had to cancel it, because of the last minute notice of the trip. God knows this is such a bad time for a baby right now. I would be so alone throught the whole pregnancy. The only person i would have is his father. My folks live in Houstoon and his mom lives in Hawaii.

I start classes on the 8th and need to find a sitter for Kennedy before then. Mr. McIntire offered to help and watch her, but I thnk its just me, but I am not fond of having men, besides the father, watch little children, even though he is the grandfather. I also dont want to put her with just anybody, but I know this semester is going to be hectic for me, nothing but science classes, micro biology, chemIII and a couple of others. I am thinking of sending Kennedy to stay with my mom for the semester, but I dont think I will tell Ken, because he would think something is wrong and not go, because he wont think that I couldnt handle it. My mom and I talked on the plane and I am going to stop working and her and my dad are going to up my monthly pay by $5000. I was only working so that it looked good on paper, not because I had to so that stress would be gone. It was my first job ever and I held it down for 2 years so I am pretty proud of myself for doing that and now the difficult task of giving my little girl away to my mother for a couple of months