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10-6-2009 - Tough times call for some big changes

My mood while writing this blog: happy and sad

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I haven't written a blog since Katie came home from the NICU. It has been a crazy couple of months. I keep up on the month to month but I haven't had much time to just sit and write. Money has been really tight since I had to quit working while I was pregnant. Ken is a master carpenter and there has been virtually no work for him for some time. He has applied for jobs in Wal-Mart, Target, Publix, Home Depot, Lowes...etc. The unemployment rate where we live is just through the roof. I decided to go back to work early and surprise, surprise, my boss tells me that business is so bad, he had to close down one of his offices and they have dissolved my position. He can't afford to take me back. Now we're both out of work and I can't even get unemployment because I originally left my job for medical reasons and don't qualify. I even appealed the decision and got denied. So here we are with a newborn, premature baby to care for and virtually no income whatsoever. We applied for public assistance but they only pay $300. a month. When your rent is $1100.00, that doesn't really help. We get food assistance which helps immensely and WIC but as of today I am three months behind on the rent and I had to go to my local church to ask for help to pay my electric bill. I feel so horrible about it because I am 40 years old and have been taking care of myself for many, many years. It is still hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that things went downhill so quickly. In a matter of 3 months, I went from having a nice place to live and a really good job to practically homeless. All because I didn't have any short term disability insurance. Let that be a lesson to everyone. If your state doesn't offer short term disability ( and most don't in the U.S.) invest in some private insurance. I never would have dreamed that this could happen. I thought the pregnancy would be a breeze. I never thought I would lose everything just because I got sick.

Anyway, my closest family is 3-4 hours away and before Katie was born we were pretty estranged. My sister with whom I have barely had a conversation with in years offered to take me and Katie into her home. Unfortunately since Ken and I aren't a "couple" and she doesn't much like him she won't let him come. (Ken and I live together but we are not "together". We are best friends but we just decided that we weren't "in love" and didn't want to get married just because I had the baby. It sounds complicated but it's really not. We care about each other deeply and he loves Katie more than anything, but it's better we're not together.) Anyway, Iost all my belongings that were in storage from when Ken and I moved in together because I couldn't pay the bill. We have to move out of the apartment because as of this week we are 3 months behind on the rent. Ken had absolutely no family and until this week had no where to go. I felt so horrible because I didn't want to leave him homeless. I love him a lot and he IS Katie's father. Anyway, a friend of ours has a lot of property about 80 miles from where I'll be living with Katie and they have a trailer that they said Ken could live in if he wants. He is going to stay there for a while so I can at least bring Katie to visit him frequently as it's only about an hour and a quarter away. Now I have to figure out what to do with my pets. I have three cats I have had for 6 1/2 years. I didn't think I could get pregnant for years and they have been my babies. I raised them from birth. I've been looking diligently for foster homes for them since I can't take them with me. My sister has 4 cats and a dog. I only want to find temporary homes for them because I hope to get on my feet and get my own place within about 6 months but no one wants them. Ken said he can take one of them with him but the trailer is so small, he can't take more than one. My other girlfriend said she could take another one but has since backed out. I have tried everything and now I have to face the fact that I may have to give them up to a shelter and I am absolutely crushed at the thought. I can't stop crying about it. I know they're only cats and I should be grateful that I have a place to go for me and Katie, but they're like family to me and it hurts very, very much. I have even tried the local news stations because there has been a story in the news that there have been 2 dozen cats killed in South Florida and they have a reward out for the person doing these horrible crimes. I thought that maybe some poor family that lost their pet might want to help out and take in one of mine, but so far...no response. It's going to be a really hard week. I am planning on moving this Sunday. On top of everything, my dad has been in the hospital for a month recovering from surgery to remove cancer for the third time.

I know this is long. I'm not looking for sympathy, I just needed a place to vent. Most of my friends disappeared into the woodwork once I had the baby so I really haven't had an outlet. I guess that's why I like this site, because everyone here is so supportive. Thanks for listening. ( or reading). I appreciate it.

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5 Comments on Tough times call for some big changes


hmm923 - Wednesday, 10 Jun
You poor poor thing. It's so frustrating to hear your story because it could happen to anyone no matter how undeserving they are and how hard they try. Just sent an email to my sister asking if she knows anyone who could take one of the cats. I figure since she is in Coral Springs maybe she knows someone. I know it's a long shot, but I thought I would try to help.

Hang in there. Feel free to vent any time - we need to lean on each other!

riknlee - Wednesday, 10 Jun
I hope everything changes for you soon. Please stay positive and visualise exactly what you want. prayers and thinking of you. take care of both xx

honeymoon-baby - Wednesday, 10 Jun
I'm so sorry to read what has happened. It's jus disgusting that you have been subjected to this. Things will work out I'm sure of it. Lots of love to you and your family. xx

1 day at a time - Wednesday, 10 Jun
I hope everything works out for you. I lost me job when i was 2 months preg. Im almost 18 wks now and still havent found another one. My fiance has a job but they have cut back his hours. So right now we are taking any help we can get with anything. Baby items, money, ect. doesnt matter. I know with the way the economy is that it isnt a good time to have a baby, but this wasn't planned and abortion is definatey out of the question. But we just have to pray and believe that God will make a way. he wont give us more than we can bare. Keep your head up sweetie.

1stnoel - Wednesday, 10 Jun
Wow, I am really sorry to hear everything. I have a 9 month old son and I can't even imagine what you are going through. I am so glad you at least have a safe place for you and the baby. I want you to know that you and your family (including Ken) are in my thoughts and prayers. Just remember, things can only get better from here. You WILL be back in your feet in no time, but your determination has to get you there. If you need to talk to just to vent, please message me.