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19-10-2008 - My last name or his

My mood while writing this blog: okay

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The father of my little girl is really comming around and saying "my daughter" when he talks about her. I have about 8 wks left to go and I alreay made the decision to give her my last name. We talked for hours last night till 7 am about stuff and he really wants the test to prove fatherhood but really is feeling that he his it. I know he is.. he just needs confirmation since he was told he couldnt have children with out medical help.

Well, he didn't like my decision and feels like tradition says my baby should have his last name. Its kinda still up for decission but I have stong feelings about him taking a huge step back to reflect on his feeling after I found out I was prego. We first talked about both last names but mine first. I would hate to give Mykah two last names cause she already has two middle names and 5 total names would be too much!! Its not about tradition when the making of this child WAS NOT traditional. We were friends, he let me crash due to a snow storm since I live an hr from work and we had sex, only once! Its not like we were in love and i have some emotional connection to him and want my child to carry his name.

Is it wrong for her to have my last name? If I do I know he would understand, i just dont want to hurt him. Honestly, I have done this pregnancy ALL alone with just family support mostly. He is just opening his eyes just now. He says because its getting so close to her arrival. I figured this would happen but that doesnt mean he deserves for her to have his last name right?

I need some help with this one. My family says my last name, but of course they would say that. I need some outside help :) What do you think?

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12 Comments on My last name or his


rose21 - Thursday, 27 Nov
is the fact that you are pregnant and know it is for him, is that not confirmation enough for him? definitly go with your last name, u will be her full time parent and you guys are not married or ever will be married from what i read here, in this day and age and in your situation tradition has nothing to do with it, what if he decides later on that he wants to turn his back on you two again? i feel really strongly about it since my ex and i are broke up, he will be involved in my sons life but there is no doubt he will be taking my last name, i done all the hard work and will continue to.. best of luck xxx

2plus3 - Monday, 20 Oct
do what you thing is the rithg for your baby think in her at last she is gonna have the name I wish everithing goes good for better results pray a little and that always give a good answer.

kt08dec88 - Monday, 20 Oct
You made alot of good points here about why ur baby should have your last name... i think that if you gave her his last name you would regret it down the road... I say give her your last name... and then if he steps up big and is in her life and you know he isnt going to desert her then you can always have it changed with some $.

mamafann - Sunday, 19 Oct
I think you should go for you last name. You have to think about how much time he has invested in the pregnancy and how involved he will be once the baby gets here. Also you have to go with your heart and what is best for the baby.

Jenise03 - Sunday, 19 Oct
I say your his last name if you know for sure that he is the father. I am not married and never have been, and my first child last name is his fathers. But remember you can always change it.

tummytummy23 - Sunday, 19 Oct
I hear where your coming from totaly!! I think your last name. It takes More then sperm to be a father, and if he decides not to put I'm as much as you have already put in and to continue putting in as a "father" should do then why should he even get the luxury of ur beautiful lil girl with his last name . I have my moms last name, and I'm soo glad for that! They dated for 25 years, but he never wanted to marry her, and now where is he?? Your guess is as good as mine!! All I'm saying is "if" poop hits the fan, you know your her life depends on you and you only! My lil one will have my last name and its not even up for discussion in my books. If I ever marry him, then fine we will all have his last name, but untill then, she will have my last name. That my opinion, I wish you the best of luck!!

kimbasil - Sunday, 19 Oct
Hi Kitty, sounds like a unanimous decision so far. I also think that your daughter should have your surname. I'm married so don't have to think about that, but my sister gave her girls her name as it is easier if the father later loses interest (like theirs did), and it makes them feel more like a family when they have the same name as their Mum. But, ultimately it's your decision. Good luck x

Deborah Kurczek - Sunday, 19 Oct
Kitty, I think she should have your last name. He wasn't very supportive thoughout the pregnancy and should have believed you when you told him it was his child. Give her you last name. Years from now, if the situation changes, the last name can always be changed!

AKGlove - Sunday, 19 Oct
i say your last name. i really like the name mykah thats what i want to name my baby if i have a boy. i really think im going to have a girl and if i do its going to be mystia. im going with the fathers last name even tho we are no longer together we are still very close and he is already a very good father to his other two children. we split up when i was 5.5 months pregnant and we get along sooo much better now that we dont live together. i do miss some things about it though but we just werent getting along very well we were just too different for eachother. anyway i think in your situation to deffinantly go with your last name. good luck!

summerbreeze - Sunday, 19 Oct
I think she should have your last name as well. If he had been there and been more supportive, then sure, let her have his last name. Since, he wasn't, I would give the baby my own last name. I'm kind of going through the same thing with my 'baby daddy' not being there. I broke up with him recently. But I'm still giving the baby HIS last name but that is ONLY because I was married along time ago and just never changed my last name back (because well, I hate my father too and don't want his last name either lol). I definitely wouldn't give my baby my ex-hubby's last name. And my baby is a boy and my father had all girls. He wanted a boy sooooo bad just to carry on his name. So basically out of spite, I'm not giving my son my maiden name.
Sorry! I went off into a whole new rant there. But yeah, in your case, I would definitely give the baby my own last name. The father wasn't there for you and in my opinion, that is the same as him not being there for his baby (even if it's before birth). I say screw what he wants!

LisaC - Sunday, 19 Oct
Hello I understand what you are going through my babies father is giving me a hard time we were getting along for awhile and when we were getting along he told me he wanted our child to have his last name but since he chooses not to be in my life or responsible for our child i am not gonna give the child his last name because he doesnt deserve it because of how he is treating me and i wont care if he gets mad at me because he hurt me so much I am probaly gonna raise my child without but i too have support from my mom she basically is helping me out getting stuff ready for the baby and her friend is too that lives in indiana which is nice but i would say give your baby your last name because its true you are the one carrying the child and doing all the work none of my brothers kids have his last name but he still has to pay child support

angelblues - Sunday, 19 Oct
Definately your last name! You did all the hard work and you carried that baby around for 9 months! He had it way too easy.