14-6-2010 - A House where we can be together

My mood while writing this blog: Touched and Heart broken

Despite what it looks like I do try to leave gaps between my blogs (I don't really like to inundate you ladies with my petty problems too frequently). For my own sanity, and before I have an emotinoal break-down I really needed a place to vent and let this out.

A alot of you know my family and I do not keep in contact with my Mother or my Husbands mother. They are severely unstable women who are violent, mentally Ill, unpredictable and very, very sick people.

My Husband has an older sister who left home quite young. He hasn't seen her in 10 years. Last week my phone rang. The voice of a young woman asked if "Kym" was there. I said "Yes, you've got her". She said "Hi, My name is Alex..I'm Cains sister". My head really spun. We spoke for a while. She said that she heard Cain and I had moved to where we are now. She said that she'd looked us up. That she wanted to talk to him but was afraid. Wasn't sure if he hated her or not.

After the conversation I called my Husband and relayed the conversation to him and passed on her number. I said that whatever he decided to do I would be suportive of. I said I was afraid to invite people into our lives (after all that had happened with his family and mine) but that It would mean ALOT to me to have a sister in law, a sister for him and an aunt for the kids.

He decided to call her. We arranged to have her and her partner come over for a BBQ. His sister Alex arrived with a HUGE bunch of yellow roses for me, Match box cars for our son, Lip gloss and crystal bracelets for our daughter, Expensive perfume for my Husband and two cards. One for our unborn son and one for my Husband.

Things went amazingly well. Her and her partner were delightful. Alex has modelled in the past (she stands over 6ft tall) and she is absolutely stunning. I have never seen anyone so phenominally beautiful in real life. It was incredible. She looked like a white pocohontos with her extraordinarily beautiful face, lightly tanned skin and long, jet black hair.

Her partner was a very nice bloke too. In the past we'd mistakenly invited people over to our home who were digusting and spoke inapporpriately around our children about women. Not this man. He was funny and kind and a complete gentleman (what a relief!).

They were so gracious and kind to our children. Playing with them and taking delight in them. And none of it was fake or forced. Everything felt so natural...as if this wasn't the first time we were all meeting!

After dinner my Husband took out some old photo albums. They talked a little about what it was like growing up with my Husbands' very alcoholic, violent mother. From my two years of experience I knew exactly how Ill and sick this woman was...but my Husband has a tendancy to bottle things up. From some of the things Alex said, the way she behaved when looking through the pictures...I realised that their childhood was far worse than I ever could have imained.

Living with a violent, drunk meant they were often belted into for no reason. It meant they had an extremely unstable home life. They went without ALOT. Alex recalled how her Mother hacked off her hair. Forced her to keep it short. She would get drunk and when her hair was barely past her ears would cut it off.

I noticed Alex touched her hair alot when she was here. She showed her partner pictures of herself when she was little and said "See babe, I told you she would cut it as short as yours". Anyway, Alex suffered alot. They all did. But some how she has done so well. Some how she was normal and thriving. Getting away from that woman was the best thing she did.

Alex is not just stunningly Beautiful on the outside. She has a really gorgeous presence. So at peace and happy and content. She's absolutely lovely. I feel so blessed and greatful that she has come into our lives.

This weekend we invited her to come with us to a creek we often go to with the kids. It was such a good day. It's amazing to me how natural us all being together is. Even better than that...I can see this is going to be permanent.

After the first time they saw us (The BBQ), when they had left and we put the kids to bed, We opened up the card for Cain. I let him read it but he showed it to me. It was a Birthday card. In the card she has written the date of every birthday she had missed with "Happy Birthday" beside it. And a very heart-warming message.

She had also written him a letter. Explaining why she had to leave. How she was sorry. How hard it was not being there for him. How she'd often see a young man on the street and wonder what he looked like. Or how tall he was, how he was doing.

In her letter she said that all she wanted to do was buy a big house where her and my Husband and all their siblings and their familys could be together. How she thought about it alot. In those few lines she wrote I felt like I had been hit full force by a wrecking ball. She wanted to be with her family, away from that monsterous woman, where they could be a "real" family, where they could be safe and free.

I had no idea...no "real" idea how bad my Husbands' childhood was. But hearing some of the stories, being able to see and feel the emotions from this womans' perspective....my Sister-in-law...really brought a light to the situation that my closed-off Husband could never provide.

After they left I felt so greatful that she got in touch with us. So elated that she wanted us to be in her life. So greatful my children have such a loving Aunt. In a way, already, the time we have spent together has been so healing. We were all able to vent and share some of the horrid experiences we had with this maniac. In the end we just laughed. None of that bad stuff even mattered anymore. We all have eachother now. One day we will have that big house where we can all come together. Without fear. And with nothing but love.

The night after the BBQ was a long night for me. I stayed awake until 5am completely overwhelmed by emotion. I just held my Husband all through the night while he slept. I prayed over him, for healing and strength and protection. I did the same prayer for Alex. I spent alot of the night crying. The mother in me really kicked in....like never before.

It's so unbelieveably heart wrenching to know the Man I love, the father of my children was so mistreated and unprotected. I thanked God that we found eachother. I may not be the best woman in the world...but God knows there's a better chance of the sun not rising tomorrow than there is of me cheating on him or hurting him or our children.

I don't think our coupling was my chance. I needed him and he needed me. We give eachother strength. It's not always smoothe sailing..but we always pull eachother through.

It's so difficult not to feel sick in the stomach and absolutely angry about what that monster has done. I know it's wrong to hate...but what I feel towards my Mother and his...well it's pretty damn close. But there's no point in wasteing time or energy on being angry.

The facts are this: We are safe and free. We are happy. We are free to be a family with Alex. And people like that will never hurt this family unit EVER again. None of us will allow it.

Anyway I guess that's it. Sometimes it's hard to relax when all of these kinds of thoughts and emotions are running rampid through your mind. Thanks again for letting me vent :)