06-10-2008 - A mother's instinct and being in love

My mood while writing this blog: Waiting patiently

So on Saturday, we had a bit of a scare. And officially, my mother's instinct kicked in. Not to mention, the reality and intensity of love was apparent.

Now Isabella is not an overly active baby but I am constantly reassured every single day that she is growing just fine by her movements. Whether they be a kick, a twist, hiccups, a roll - anything that reassures me she is ok. I suddenly went from this reassurance to absolutely nothing over a 12-hour period on Friday night. Needless to say, I did not sleep a wink on Friday. I was up rubbing my belly, talking to her, trying to press in spots to get her to move - nothing. Not a flick. My heart was breaking and I was terrified.

By 11am on Saturday - I am in tears and sobbing - I can't breath as I start to panic. This is just not right - I should be feeling something. Thankfully, my husband was not working on Saturday and called the doctor for me who sent us to the hospital for a cardiogram. The nurses were extremely helpful, assuring me everything was ok and trying to calm me down. And as they hooked me up to the cardio machine, I held my breath until I heard Isabella's heartbeat. 153 and I felt so incredibly relieved! I said to the nurses, I understand this late in pregnancy, there is a chance to not feel the baby so often. That her space is really cramped in there and the closer I get to delivery - the more she will slow down. But to feel absolutely nothing in 12-hours is terrifying.

They couldn't have agreed more with me - they said I did the right thing and not to think I was over reacting. If I couldn't get a kick/movement count in 1 hour and I tried everything - including drinking juice, eating sweets (even though I have GD), cold water, lying on my right side - coming in to check on the baby was the right thing to do - congratulations - your motherly instincts have arrived!

After monitoring us for a 1/2 hour, she moved 7 times, her heartbeat was steady around 153 and having 3 good contractions - they let me go home. I cried again once we got to the car and my poor DH just didn't know what to say or do. So he hugged me. I finally was able to tell him that I always knew how much I loved this little girl, from the moment she was conceived - and the thought of something happening to her in our last week of pregnancy not only scared me - it broke my heart. I just didn't know how much I loved her until I couldn't feel her anymore.

We go see our regular doctor this evening for our 4-day check up and today we are also having an internal exam. I hope there is some activity going on in there! October 10th is the day we have spoken about for induction - that is 4 days away! I have a feeling however, I will go in on the Saturday. I will update after my appointment.

So ladies, no matter how much you think you are over reacting - if you think for a second something is wrong - go see about it. That little life is so precious and like I said - I didn't know how much I loved her until I couldn't feel her anymore. She is the most precious gift we will ever receive - our Isabella, how much we love you.

xox