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14-5-2008 - whats worse emotional pain or physical ??

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

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wednesday night - feeling sore and really horrible .. i had my panic attacks / anxiety under a sort of control before all this has happened now im in peices again..
i feel emotionally drained ... its awful picking up my son from school and seeing babys everywhere .. it gets to me
im taking it out on my fiance , too !! .. i know i shouldnt but im that low i dont know what im doing anymore..
im so alone in this the hospital didnt give me no info as to what to expect of any follow up appoinments .. they told me i wont bleed and to be carefull as i wont know when i will ovulate next..
i have pains in my right side and middle .. im passing bloody and weird jelly like stuff and im in pain..
i was given no pain relief..
i honestly feel lost
why do i feel so crap ?? .. tonight i was laying on the sofa doing nothing and my heart started to RACE like mad !!! .. im getting anxiety attacks again and i burst into tears over nothing ..

whats made things DOUBLE worse is my other son ben lives with his dad as after i gave birth to ben i had pnd and bens dad has manipulated me into thinking i cant cope for all these years ive not been able to get any access to him.. ive found out now from the solicitor unless i have alot of money to take this to court i have a very slim chance of having any access with ben
bens dad david does not want me to be a part of bens life and it kills me ..

im really low right now ......... really low

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