23-10-2008 - It's not all that fair really ...

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

A friend of mine has recently been undergoing IVF treatment as she and her husband want to have a second child. They've been trying naturally for the past year, and it hasn't worked, so they've resorted to IVF again. Earlier this week I realized that I was pregnant again - I'd only had my AF once since my son was born. I haven't said anything to anyone - I want to wait until I'm 12 weeks this time, to make any announcements - but I found out last night that the IVF hasn't worked, so my friend is going to have to wait until December to try the next round. By that time, I'll be almost three months pregnant and I feel so guilty. What she has tried so hard to achieve, I have accomplished without any thought. Scientifically it makes sense; my husband and I are a lot younger, I've never been on the Pill, etc. All these things add up, but that doesn't make it any less difficult for her, watching other women grow and develop, and then carrying their children around town, when it's all she wants. I feel for her, because I know how much I hated the waiting when I was TTC my first.

Admittedly though, I do get cranky at her. I'm not trying to be nasty, but I seriously don't know how to deal with the situation. My son is a year younger than hers, and she often jokes about me giving him to her, because I can just go and have another one. Or she talks about me having another baby and giving her that one, or even being a surrogate mother for her. I know that as soon as I tell them I'm pregnant, she will get worse. And I hate how it will make her feel, but I don't like talking about giving my children away - joking or otherwise - because I love the one I have, and I'm sure I'll love the one I'm carrying just as much. They are part of me, not property to pass on.

I have actually thought about surrogacy, in case the IVF doesn't work for her, but I'm not sure I have the mental capacity to give away a baby that I've carried for 9 months. Perhaps the answer is to be less emotional about the topic, and more understanding of her position, however difficult that may be.