19-1-2009 - Wednesday/high blood pressure

My mood while writing this blog: tired.

Had an appt this morning, leaving the shelter the last few days has been like leaving my safety net. My mother came with me, but didn't come into the room, I didn't ask how much weight I had gained, because I really, really don't want something else to obsess over. But, I was already a nervous wreck, as I usually am going into dr. offices anyways. My blood pressure was high last time, they took it 6 times waiting for it to go down, and eventually-it started to. Thinking about having high blood pressure gives me high blood pressure. So, of course, it was high again and I let the nurse know about my situation and the stress in my life. And, she was taking my blood pressure as I was telling her about this-so that didn't help. Of course I heard the heartbeat and all that, but after getting my doppler I had no worries about the heartbeat, I listen to it everynight.

He was about to let me go without mentioning the next ultra sound, until I stopped him in mid sentence. If I could have a u/s everyday I would...it's such a beautiful experience. I get to find out the sex on Wednesday. I couldn't be more excited.

Jeremy still hasn't stopped contacted me, and his speached is nearly always slurred. He says that he's going to AA meetings, I think he needs something more intense especially after being addicted to vicodin and things of that nature for 9 years. I filed a police report for the phone calls at work, I could get in trouble for that shit, and my job saves me...mentally, ya know.

I'm def. feeling the baby move more now, it's strange to finally know the definate difference between 'could that be it' to KNOWING. It's such a beautiful experience, I just hope i'm not harming my baby with the chaotic envirnment i've found myself in. I love it more than I love myself, and I haven't even met it...or stopped calling it "it" at that.

Does anyone elses boobs itch like crazy? I wish it wasn't so socially unacceptable to itch them.