holy crap it has been a week since mr. jacobi entered the world!!!

what a crazy week, first of all let me start by saying that i think i am still in shock, i dont think that i realize that i am not actually pregnant anymore...everything happened so quickly and life hasnt slowed down since!!!

first when i got to the er at the hospital they had told me everything was fine and i probably would stay at the hospital for a while but they probably wouldnt take him becasue he was so early, then when they got me up to L&D they asked a couple ?s and then a perinatologist and the ob on staff walked in and said we have reviewed every thing and think it is best to get him out IMMEDIATLY...then right after they said that in walked the anastesiologist and they started prepping me for surgury...i yelled at hubby to start calling people, then started bawling then came my roller coaster of emotions...

1st emotion--anger and denial...i was refusing to let them take him ***they they said he could die if he stayed in there...so i agreed...

2nd emotion--anger at myself for having the seizure

3rd emotion--extreme fear for me and jacobi ***mostly jacobi

4th emotion--extreme crying and sobbing...i couldnt answer their ?s

5th emotion--total numbness

6th emotion--not really an emotion just a prayer that i said for baby jacobi till they pulled him out and he finally cried...

with all of that i have kinda refused to face what has happened and let it sink in...i feel i must be strong for hubby and my kids and everyone...and most importantly for jacobi...i always tell him what a strong boy he is and how sorry i am that my body did this to him and how i would give anything to have him still in me growing strong and not have to worry about growing by himself so quickly...

but something i have realized i am afraid to face what has happened!!!

i am afraid i cant take it...i must be strong..w.ell i am praying for strength!!!

god bless