09-7-2009 - movin right along...

My mood while writing this blog: calm, cool, and collected

Hello ladies! Man, it feels like i haven't updated in awhile...but, that's just cuz i was updating a lot recently. So....where to start...?

Jayde had her 4 month drs. appt. yesterday. Babygirl is 13lbs. even, 24 in. long. This puts her in the 40th percentile in both weight and height. That's a HUGE improvement from being in the 10th and 15th percentile, lol. The doc said she looks great except for her heart. Yeah, he thinks she might have a heart murmur, which means there's a problem with the way one side of the heart pumps blood to the body. Me and my mom both have one, but to be on the safe side we're going to the cadiologist next week. I guess i'm not too worried; just going to leave it in God's hands and do whatever i need to do to keep my princess healthy.

I tried giving Jayde cereal tonight mixed in with her last formula feeding of the night (around 6pm). She's been waking up more frequently at night to eat so maybe this will solve some of that, at least i'm hoping! I need sleep y'all!!! This whole single mother thing is starting to take it's toll cuz i haven't had more than an hour break from Jayde for almost 2 weeks (even at night it's only been 3-4 hours now...actin like a newborn again lol). Thank God for loving parents...my parents are taking Jayde for the weekend. I'm gonna meet them half way btwn Charlotte and HP tmrw evening and pick Jayde up Sun. evening. That's 2 nights being away from her and this is the first time. It'll be weird and sad but good to get a lil break. I'm so happy i don't have an actual job to go to currently (i'm a teacher and out for summer). I pray by the time we go back in August she's sleeping better; otherwise idk how i'll do it. Well, God will make a way...

So, i guess Rol's fam gave him permission to talk to me about seeing his daughter (so sad a 21 yr old father has to get permission to do anything). Neways he txt me Sun. and we planned to meet Tues. at a local McDonald's. We met and tell me why he brought his aunt and 2 cousins??! Does he think imma do something to get him for puttin his hands on me??! LOL, i slapped you and that's about as far as it's going with me...i'll get the law involved before i get more physical than that. At least he brought the nice aunt. We were txting a lil while ago and i was gonna let him have Jayde for a lil while tmrw, but he started talkin about where we'd have to meet and all this and so i'm like forget it...i can't keep having to meet cuz that takes too much planning when it's not on my terms and convenient for me. Since everything else is for his convenience he'll have to wait til what's convenient for him is convenient for me. I must say though, this week without dealing with him on a regular basis has been cool.

I'm still praying for him to have a change of heart about being more involved though. He's the one missing Jayde gettin her ears pierced, sittin up by herself, watching fireworks for the first time, trying to crawl, squealing with laughter, trying to sing along with the radio, playing with her toes, trying to eat cereal from a spoon, grabbing at everything in sight...etc. It's funny cuz while we were at McD's his aunt asked him if Jayde started to play with her feet yet and he just shrugged his shoulders. I'm like how would he know and told her that yes she plays with them all the time. She also asked if Jayde had any nicknames and again i'm like he's not around enuf to call her anything...but yes, her cousin on my side calls her JJ and i call her Tink or Tink Tink. Ladies, when do they realize that they have missed out on so much??!

Oh, and for any of you trying to heal or really let go of the past and the drama... you should read Woman, Thou Art Loosed by T.D. Jakes. I've started it because i want to really turn all this over to the Lord and be able to move on and be whole and emotionally healthy for my daughter's and my future's sake. I'm only on ch. 2 but it's started to help already. God is really speaking to me through that book. Well, i'm off to read now...