10-10-2009 - .....life......

My mood while writing this blog: nervous

Ok so J and I have finally decided to go see about getting a doctors appointment going this week. I am so nervous. I feel the baby move sometimes. But last night I had some belly pains. Although it was from being backed up from not being able to go to the bathroom, I haven't felt the baby move all that much today. I am so scared to go in to an office and be told that there is no heart beat or anything. On top of that, I found out my dad has swine flu! Ya.....he is getting medical help and is getting better but still, not what you want to hear. I guess all I can do is hope for the best right.

Again, I am missing my real parents. I try not to think about it too much but kinda wish they could see the baby when it is born, or tell who it looks more like. J's mom is kind of getting on my nerves. Josh and I have both agreed breast feeding is what we are going to do. So what does his mom do, she tries to stock us up on baby formula! I am trying to be patient with her but I am almost to my last string. I even tried applying for food stamps and all that fun stuff this week. It seems that either we don't make enough money or we make too much for anything.

Josh is doing better with his anger. Still gets mad at the dog, but I suppose if the dog peed on me in the middle of the night I woud be mad too (lol). My parents are taking off to Hawaii in a week. Hope they have a blast. I can feel small movements from the baby right now, it gives me a little hope :-) I feel like I am stuck in this funk almost. I am happy when I first wake up but give me about 3 hours and my mood plunders below zero. Like way below zero!!! I don't try to but I am getting angry at Josh with out him even knowing I am mad at him. He sits, all day for the past week and plays video games. No I am sorry one video game, ALL DAY! Like I said, I don't want to be mad or angry at him but he doesn't seem to care. I asked him if we could go make an appoinment this morning. He let out this big sigh and bitterly said "fine, if we have to". If it was up to him, he wouldn't do anything ever again. He sounds like one of the birds on Finding Nemo. Instead of saying "mine mine mine", he goes, "bitch bitch bitch"! haha I love my husband but he needs to get off his butt and do something, like fix the shower for instance. Oh well, I can tell him this until our kid graduates from college, it won't do any good until he is ready to hear it. It's just life I guess.