| Manda22 | |
 | Age: 30 Country: Canada Province/region: City: Charlottetown Partner: 32 Children: Yes, 3 Pregnant: Trying to conceive Occupation: Dental Assistant |
| Online: 1 days ago. Last updated: 60 days ago. Member since: 195 days | |
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7 Comments on Bitter
grier23 - Wednesday, 8 Jul
I know the pain you're going though. Reading your blog, brought back so many memories for me. I have been in your shoes. My first m/c happened at 18 weeks. My second at 14 weeks. Let yourself grieve, let yourself be bitter. I didn't fully grieve with my 1st m/c, and so with the second, I was a complete mess. I know you want to be pregnant again as soon as possible, it is totally natural. I think we all feel that way. I know I did for sure. It is all I thought about. Don't get discouraged. It took me 7 months to get pregnant this last time, and with both, AF didn't come for about 30 days. My best advice is to find someone (maybe not your DH) to talk to. I needed to bitch and complain and cry. My friends and DH didn't know how to help me, and I began to feel bad venting to them. I reccomond a counselor, just for a few weeks. You'll really be able to vent and you'll feel so much better. good luck Manda my prayers are with you.
em2 stewarts wife - Tuesday, 7 Jul
Manda, I think the grief process for the loss of a child is different than anything else and bitterness really falls into this. I still feel bitter at times! It is good that your DH understands... my DH and I have been there many times before! The anger, the crying, the ups and downs and thankfully he too has understood. It is really hard and your due date will be a really tough time. My first due date was February and on top of that my step sister was due the same day... she has a perfect little angel which she is always trying to pawn off on someone else. My second due date just passed (june 29) But I know that my september due date will be the worst because I was so sure that the third time would be my charm. You will get through this and your body will come around... I got AF 30 days after my first D&C and 37 days after my second D&C. Know that I am thinking of you!
SarahBeth13 - Tuesday, 7 Jul
Hey there, just saw your post and wanted to say how sorry I am that you are feeling this way and that I can totally relate and am wishing you some peace and happiness. I agree with everyone that it is 100% okay that you are grieving and that you do not have to pretend everything is okay. Everything changed when we lost our baby, I was nervous for a miscarriage from day one, but that did not make it any easier when it happened. I am terrified of it happening again and it has been very hard to find hope and to look forward. I called Auntie back again and asked her to please come see you very soon so she can get her visit done and get out the way so you can start on the exciting (and yes very scary) path to TTC again. I am right there with you and I am always here if you need anything. We will get our chance, I just know it deep down inside!! Good thoughts and big hugs to you today and every day!
2krazekdz - Tuesday, 7 Jul
Manda - I'm so sorry and my heart goes out to you. When I had my m/c, I felt like I had been betrayed by everything: my body, my faith, my heart, everything. I felt like the world had dropped out from under me and the idea of putting on a face for other people to see made me want to vomit. I don't think time ever really heals the pain so much as changes it into something that one can bear. I'll never understand why it happened and I'll never accept it, but I'm trying to move past it and I think that indicates that healing is taking place. Just do what you can to get through and if you ever want to talk, just shoot me a line.
redheadmama - Tuesday, 7 Jul
it *is* hard, and that's okay. you don't have to want to see people, you don't have to shut off the waterworks when you just need to cry (even if it's for "no" reason), and you don't have to try so hard to get right back to normal. it takes time.
Butterfly is so right: it stabs me every time this happens that the world keeps going when my world has stopped. I wish everyone's world stopped with mine.
and as far as December goes, it will be hard. and that's okay. it will not be fun, but you will survive it. and besides: maybe you'll be huge and round with the baby's little brother/sister by then, which (although it doesn't get rid of the grief) does numb & balm it just a little.
remember dearie: you are allowed (and expected) to grieve and mourn for the baby you lost. we're here for you in this devastating time. ((hugs))
butterfly-angel - Tuesday, 7 Jul
Manda - I completly understand. After having my d+c - I had trouble understanding that the world kept on turning around me, while my little world had come to a stop....I would look out the window and see people going on with their lives - and couldn't understand how that was possible....I had no interest either in being with familiy or friends - and absolutly no interest in working. I would work - but had absolutly no heart, no feeling, I felt numb - just doing my work without emotion. It has gotten better - but I still, after 3 months, have a ways to go....People at work ask me how I'm doing and I say fine - then they add, well maybe you should let your face know your fine - caus thats not what your face is saying... I too worry about October rolling around (when I was due) - I was so hoping to be preggers again by then thinking it would make things easier...I send you a great big canadian hug. I am always here if you need a chat xxx
gibsongirl - Tuesday, 7 Jul
I'm right there with you. I miscarried 2 weeks ago. Just stopped bleeding, but still feel off. I also look forward to being and feeling normal. I hope you find BFP very soon.
| 07-7-2009 - Bitter |  My mood while writing this blog:sad and bitter |
Monday July 6th had a nice long weekend (5 days) and am back to work now. Its been 41 days since we got the bad news, 37 days since the m/c and 21 days since the d&c....I havent had a peroid yet. I feel bitter and sad all the time and usually end up snapping and taking it out on DH. I say sorry and he understands thank goodness, he is so wonderful. I hate work and dont want to see anyone...weird, no real reason I just dont want to see anyone...even my family accept DH and DD of course. I just wonder when my body will be normal again..I want to be pregnant again so badly! I am already worried about how December will make me feel since that was when I was due...
7 Comments on Bitter
grier23 - Wednesday, 8 Jul
I know the pain you're going though. Reading your blog, brought back so many memories for me. I have been in your shoes. My first m/c happened at 18 weeks. My second at 14 weeks. Let yourself grieve, let yourself be bitter. I didn't fully grieve with my 1st m/c, and so with the second, I was a complete mess. I know you want to be pregnant again as soon as possible, it is totally natural. I think we all feel that way. I know I did for sure. It is all I thought about. Don't get discouraged. It took me 7 months to get pregnant this last time, and with both, AF didn't come for about 30 days. My best advice is to find someone (maybe not your DH) to talk to. I needed to bitch and complain and cry. My friends and DH didn't know how to help me, and I began to feel bad venting to them. I reccomond a counselor, just for a few weeks. You'll really be able to vent and you'll feel so much better. good luck Manda my prayers are with you.
em2 stewarts wife - Tuesday, 7 Jul
Manda, I think the grief process for the loss of a child is different than anything else and bitterness really falls into this. I still feel bitter at times! It is good that your DH understands... my DH and I have been there many times before! The anger, the crying, the ups and downs and thankfully he too has understood. It is really hard and your due date will be a really tough time. My first due date was February and on top of that my step sister was due the same day... she has a perfect little angel which she is always trying to pawn off on someone else. My second due date just passed (june 29) But I know that my september due date will be the worst because I was so sure that the third time would be my charm. You will get through this and your body will come around... I got AF 30 days after my first D&C and 37 days after my second D&C. Know that I am thinking of you!
SarahBeth13 - Tuesday, 7 Jul
Hey there, just saw your post and wanted to say how sorry I am that you are feeling this way and that I can totally relate and am wishing you some peace and happiness. I agree with everyone that it is 100% okay that you are grieving and that you do not have to pretend everything is okay. Everything changed when we lost our baby, I was nervous for a miscarriage from day one, but that did not make it any easier when it happened. I am terrified of it happening again and it has been very hard to find hope and to look forward. I called Auntie back again and asked her to please come see you very soon so she can get her visit done and get out the way so you can start on the exciting (and yes very scary) path to TTC again. I am right there with you and I am always here if you need anything. We will get our chance, I just know it deep down inside!! Good thoughts and big hugs to you today and every day!
2krazekdz - Tuesday, 7 Jul
Manda - I'm so sorry and my heart goes out to you. When I had my m/c, I felt like I had been betrayed by everything: my body, my faith, my heart, everything. I felt like the world had dropped out from under me and the idea of putting on a face for other people to see made me want to vomit. I don't think time ever really heals the pain so much as changes it into something that one can bear. I'll never understand why it happened and I'll never accept it, but I'm trying to move past it and I think that indicates that healing is taking place. Just do what you can to get through and if you ever want to talk, just shoot me a line.
redheadmama - Tuesday, 7 Jul
it *is* hard, and that's okay. you don't have to want to see people, you don't have to shut off the waterworks when you just need to cry (even if it's for "no" reason), and you don't have to try so hard to get right back to normal. it takes time.
Butterfly is so right: it stabs me every time this happens that the world keeps going when my world has stopped. I wish everyone's world stopped with mine.
and as far as December goes, it will be hard. and that's okay. it will not be fun, but you will survive it. and besides: maybe you'll be huge and round with the baby's little brother/sister by then, which (although it doesn't get rid of the grief) does numb & balm it just a little.
remember dearie: you are allowed (and expected) to grieve and mourn for the baby you lost. we're here for you in this devastating time. ((hugs))
butterfly-angel - Tuesday, 7 Jul
Manda - I completly understand. After having my d+c - I had trouble understanding that the world kept on turning around me, while my little world had come to a stop....I would look out the window and see people going on with their lives - and couldn't understand how that was possible....I had no interest either in being with familiy or friends - and absolutly no interest in working. I would work - but had absolutly no heart, no feeling, I felt numb - just doing my work without emotion. It has gotten better - but I still, after 3 months, have a ways to go....People at work ask me how I'm doing and I say fine - then they add, well maybe you should let your face know your fine - caus thats not what your face is saying... I too worry about October rolling around (when I was due) - I was so hoping to be preggers again by then thinking it would make things easier...I send you a great big canadian hug. I am always here if you need a chat xxx
gibsongirl - Tuesday, 7 Jul
I'm right there with you. I miscarried 2 weeks ago. Just stopped bleeding, but still feel off. I also look forward to being and feeling normal. I hope you find BFP very soon.
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01-10-2009 - .....
24-9-2009 - i dont even know what to say
24-9-2009 - need more peace of mind
23-9-2009 - Phone call from OB
21-9-2009 - still scard and confussed
21-9-2009 - So SCARED!!
21-9-2009 - Thank God!
14-9-2009 - 1st Ultrasound
04-9-2009 - 2nd HCG
31-8-2009 - 1st HCG
29-8-2009 - BFP!!
24-7-2009 - taking a break from IAP
22-7-2009 - Weight Loss
16-7-2009 - awake
08-7-2009 - Do\'s and Dont\'s
08-7-2009 - needed some sun
07-7-2009 - Bitter
07-7-2009 - D&C
06-7-2009 - Devistating News
01-10-2009 - .....
24-9-2009 - i dont even know what to say
24-9-2009 - need more peace of mind
23-9-2009 - Phone call from OB
21-9-2009 - still scard and confussed
21-9-2009 - So SCARED!!
21-9-2009 - Thank God!
14-9-2009 - 1st Ultrasound
04-9-2009 - 2nd HCG
31-8-2009 - 1st HCG
29-8-2009 - BFP!!
24-7-2009 - taking a break from IAP
22-7-2009 - Weight Loss
16-7-2009 - awake
08-7-2009 - Do\'s and Dont\'s
08-7-2009 - needed some sun
07-7-2009 - Bitter
07-7-2009 - D&C
06-7-2009 - Devistating News
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