05-2-2009 - 37 weeks...

My mood while writing this blog: sad

Have been feeling so great this pregnancy but am suddenly not doing so great emotionally. Currently am up in the middle of the night again.

Yesterday - I had my 37 week check and the baby is stillhigh and am now between 2 1/2 and 3 cm dialted. :) So pretty nomal - Was much lower at this time with my girls. - But from what I read droppping can happen at delivery after your 1st. I really suddenly had the feeling he was on the way yesterday but now I feel nothing. A bit disapointed. I would prefer to go naturally before they break my water on the 16-18th ( about 5 days early) I really could go but also not. So we will see. I did have some blood a couple hours after my check - but know that doesn't necessarily mean anything.

I just am feeeling so sad... My grandpa had triple bypss surgery yesterday and come out well! So praise God!!! There really are prayers being answered.

On the other hand - I was disapointed to find out that I'm strep B positive this time around. I trust I will make it to the hsopital on time and get the IV's I need.

I feel like such a wreck... Last night was the 1st night in a long while that I wasn't so turned on and needing sex from my DH. ( It was actually starting to be embarrassing how much I have been craving sex) In fact last night I sarted to cry about it but Dh assured me he feell loke the luckiest man alive. :-) He is so sweet.

Anyway - I feel nothing that way currently. Instead suddenly feel like a whale - I look at how fat my arms and legs are getting and it has suddenly hit me that I'm enourmous! I have gained a lot of wieght but haven't been to upset about it since I wasn't feeling that big. that has so changed..I'm starting to feel self consious! Also bored, and today was hard to stay busy since I wasn't feeling well.

I feel unproductive when I wake up at night like this. Really I need to vacuume and clean the basement before my hair clients come on Friday and also prep food for a party that night. I had been so excited now I just wan to climb in a shell and hide.

After getting back from vacation this week it seemed my Dr forgot things we had discussed before. I hope he was just having an off day. He just didn't seem as nice. It made me sad..

I forgot to ask if they give baby to you right away after delivery..? My other 2 baby's I held immediately and it was so wonderful. I understand you can't if there are problems but I really want to make sure if not that they give him to me right away. I want to nurse and and hold him so bad. Now I'm crying again.. I hope my head doesn't hurt today like it did yesterday from all the crying.

I really need to get out of this slump to move on and get things done today. (there really is a lot to do at home and errands to run) Hopefully I can start staying away from so much chocolate. It seems every day this craving hits and any craving I have I eat alot of.. Two days ago I ate not 1 , not 2, but almost 3 of those giant Muffins in one sitting!!! It tasted great and I didn't feel the slightest bit sick till 2 hours later - Then my tummy felt too full. Wierd!

If you have minute - I could use some encouragement... Thank-you so much!