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06-8-2008 - So amazing to be LOVED

My mood while writing this blog: Loved

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Everything happens for a reason & you often hear ppl say that "Children truly are a blessing" and they are. I can't speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself. I believe that GOD placed Jurnee in my life for a reason. Lately I've been logging on facebook seeing certain status' about how every1 is getting pregnant & all this othe stuff that's irrlevant (in MY opinion)....while I'm not going to deny that this is definately baby-booming season, I also don't regret anything that God has put me through thus far.

MY DAUGHTER has changed EVERYTHING in my life for the better!!!! She has made me mature in many ways that I never thought I could do. She made me GROW UP...which is something that I already thought I'd done, but I was so wrong. While I can't speak for others and I can't judge anyone for their opinions, I can only speak from MY heart.

Jurnee is the 1 person on this earth that I don't have to worry about judging me or anything I do (at least not yet)....there's nothing stronger that a mother's love for their child.... Jurnee sees me simply as "Mommy", the person that feeds her, bathes her, keeps clothes on her back, a roof over her head & it doesn't matter how I do it to her, as long as she's taken care of & I love evry bit of it. She has changed SO MUCH in my life in such a short period of time. Everyone who knows me know that my favorite motto was "IT'S ALL ABOUT ME"....because it was. I had the logo pj's, houseshoes, pillows, blankets, t-shirts...everything!!! But it's no more "All about me" it's now "All about JURNEE". Before Jurnee came along, the arguments between Jeremy & myself were so petty, sometimes I sit back and think about the CRAP that he did that would actually upset me. Sure we still have our disagreements, but that's whats part of a relationship.

I know GOD placed her in my womb for a reason. RIGHT before I got pregnant, I was tired of school, beginning to slack off, basically just enjoying school for the refund checks (sad I know but it's true). I was wondering if Communications was what I really wanted to do in my life. I was just at a place in life where I needed to find myself. Jurnee helped me do that. Nothing satisfied me. Jurnee does that. I didn't feel like anything completed me. Jurnee completes me. I wasn't a strong person. Jurnee makes me strong. I am now her protector. No more "scaredy cat Fran". I didn't think I could tolerate pain. Pregnancy and LABOR changed that. I didnt think I was capable of being HALF the mother that my mom was to me. But everytime I look in her eyes and see her smile, I know I'm coming pretty damn close. From the day I found out I was pregnant, my life changed for the better. Not a day goes by that I don't Thank God for my blessing. She has matured me physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I STRIVE to be a better mother, woman, girlfriend. Small things don't effect me as much as they used to anymore.

My life began to change on November 1st, the day I found out I was pregnant. On November 19th, I saw MY (ok-Jeremy OUR) creation for the 1st time & although she was nothing more then a tiny little 7 wk old blur with a heartbeat, it made everything real. I knew I needed to grow up.

December 18th rolled around & I cried tears of joy...to see this PERSON inside of you kicking & flipping is amazing. I grew even more.

Feb 15th, I found out I was having a daughter. I knew that I needed to change things within myself. Mistakes that I made as A GIRL & even as a YOUNG WOMAN. & even though I was becoming an example to my child already, something about knownig that she was a girl made me it clear that come things I've done in my past I would NEVER want Jurnee to do. I felt remorse for things I'd put my mother through, & even ashamed of the fact that it took me 20 years to actually acknowledge it. Yet & still I don't regret any of it because it all made me who I am today, and it taught me to realize things so that I can help Junee not to follow the same path.

Closer & closer to my due date I started worrying that I couldn't be a good mother. As I watched my stomach move from her kicks and her rolling around, I knew that it was crunch time. I knew that Jeremy was a part of my life forever even though that's something that I always wanted. I thank him over and over for giving me the ONE thing that my mommy couldnt. My daughter

My life completly changed forever (but for the better) on June 21st, 2008 at 8:30 am. The moment they placed her in my arms, she smiled at me...It was truly a Journey to get to my Jurnee & I wouldn't change it for anything in the world!!!

So to all the mothers...although I'm not a single mother, being a MOTHER is hard work. Even with Jeremy in the picture, I know how it is to wake up for the 4am feedings, deal with a crying baby unitl about 5 & then have to wake up at 6am, in order to have the both of you ready for ur 8am dr appoinment. Stay stiong. Being a young mother is hard, but from everything I'm experiencing, it's worth it just to see a smile on their face

To all my pregnant friends, GET READY because your life will never be the same after this!!!! Get all the sleep you can because pretty soon it will be no more.

& to all my childless friends: Don't void out the idea of being a mother. Children aren't "life ruiners" to me they're "Life savers".

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2 Comments on So amazing to be LOVED


PMOF2GIRLS - Wednesday, 6 Aug
Yes are children is a blessing from god to have them in are life. its no greater gift that god could have gave us and thats life & children

god bless you & jurnee

3rdbaby4me - Wednesday, 6 Aug
This is GREAT!!! - I know you said your baby makes you complete, BUT don't forget about GOD he is the TRUE source... and he has done and is doing something GREAT in teaching you... Keep GROWING and being the GREAT WOMAN HE CREATED you to be...