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06-6-2008 - Should I go?

My mood while writing this blog: Upset

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I want to scream off the top of my lungs right now. I feel so down right now in my life. I live at home with my parents with my husband because we were just unstable to pay rent. He works 50-60 hours a week, and works his ass off to support our family. I still have to finish college which I'm going back to in the fall. But basically my parents told us we could live with them and that would be their way of helping us out. I feel so blessed for the fact that I have parents like that and all. I know people have it worse than me. But, every single day I am being put down in all sorts of ways by my mother, and even my dad can see this because he tells me to just keep my mouth closed when things are said to me. It's impossible to keep my mouth closed, I'm not 15 years old, I'm a grown woman and I refuse to be talked down upon. She constantly tells me things like: I'm going to be extatic WHEN you and your husband split up, you're lazy, you're a bitch, you're fat you need to lose weight, you don't know how to dress, your husband looks down at you all the time (which he doesn't)...so on. She has confided in me that when she was my age her mother basically raised her first born, and she went out and had a life still.... She has told me that anytime I want to go out to relieve stress (I have panic attacks, and depressed most of the times) that I can count on her to watch my son. Well now, anytime I ask her to watch him which is only for about 4 hours or so one day a week, it turns into 'I'm sooo tired, this and that, you need to stop going out and be with your son, I have things to do' and that conversation always leads to her calling me lazy and that I'm worthless (she has used the word worthless). She always watches my brothes son from around 3 on a saturday to about 6 the next day. My mother literally hates me, and I can see it. I cant hold a conversation with her, nothing.

We can't pay for a babysitter because we save every penny that we have towards Nathan, and we are trying to pay off some of our bills and save money for a downpayment on a condo or a house. We never ask them for a dime. I just don't know what to do or how to handle this anymore. Not to mention me and my husband are just finally starting to get over our fighting. If I get a job, I'm going to be paying my whole paycheck to the babysitter so that doesn't work out either. And yes I would be away from my mom, but I would also be having someone raise my son which I don't want when I can. I work my ass off during the day, I clean the place, I do laundry, I do everything that needs to be done. Also funny thing is, my mom refuses to have a stranger come to the house. I'm literraly on my wits end and waiting for my car accident settlement and seriously about ready to say 'screw this' and leave with my family to a little apartment. Yes we will be living paycheck to paycheck again, but I just can't take this everyday.

And I mean this is to the point where ANYTHING I say to my mother, it's a full blown argument.

Oh and did I mention, when I tell me mom the way I want my son raised, and what needs to be done, she says I'm stupid and that's not how it goes. One example is, I told her that I don't want my son to drink ANY extra water but whats in the formula, she goes right out and gives him water. I need advice

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2 Comments on Should I go?


SKYLARS MOMMY - Sunday, 22 Jun
GIRL I WOULD LEAVE THAT ISH YOU AND YOU FAMILY DONT NEED THAT MORE STRESS IF YOU WAS LIVING IN MD YOU WOULD HAVE UR OWN PLACE AND RENT IS NOT THAT MUCH . WE PAY 200$ A MONTH AND THATS ALL WE PAY WE GOT A 2 BEDROOM HOUSE AND THATS ALL WE PAY
AND OUR BILL ARE LIKE 400$ A MONTH IF THAT .. I AM LOVING IT YOU NEED TO GET AWAY FROM THAT MESS YOU REALLY DONT NEED IT ...I AM LIKE THAT WITH MY MOM SHE GETS ME SO FUSTRATED .I WANT TO SCREAM ....

inkognit007 - Friday, 6 Jun
Girl leave...I know it will be hard and that you wanted to save to buy a place of your own but what good is having yuor own house if you've lost your mind. Rent an apartment fot now and do what you have to to pay the bills...it'll be hard but NOBODY deserves to be treated the way your mom is treating you. You said her mom raised her first born when she was your age...sounds like she is voicing to you how she felt about herself. In any event I would move out IMMEDIATELY (be prepared for the drama that that will involve...she's probably going to complain that you are taking her grandson away from her). Besides you really don't want your son growing up hearing grandma call mommy a worthless b*tch...if he hears it enough he'll eventually begin to repeat it.