MommaBell's I-am-pregnantblog

MommaBell
	Age: 31 Country: Province/region: virginia City: Partner: Children: Yes, 3 Pregnant: No Occupation: HOMEMAKER / FULL TIME STUDENT
	Online: 10 days ago. Last updated: 37 days ago. Member since: 1562 days
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12-12-2009 - Do not get married just because you get pregnant.....

My mood while writing this blog:
frustrated

You ladies have read plenty of blogs from me about me and the person that I married. I was looking through all of my blogs, all of my pictures, all of my online status updates. Nothing ever has to do with the two of us. We have one picture where his arm is around me, this is the ONLY picture that we are touching. Every other picture, we just happen to be near each other, or the 4 family pictures where we are standing side by side. No blog ever mentions how happy I am with him, or how much I love him. No status ever mentions his name. We were two young drunks, that would hook up now and again. I get pregnant and we have a beautiful baby boy. When our son was over 1 year old, we stupidly decided that we either needed to split up or get married. Smart, huh? We drove to a judge's house, with no guests to attend, and said "I do", "I do". No real vows to speak of. I am okay with being married to a person that I have no real passion for, I look at it as a partnership. He wants a passionate love affair, the thought disgusts me, and I resent him more and more whenever I give in. I ask him to help me get ou of Mom Mode, maybe a nice relaxing bath in the evening, or a date from time to time. He doesn't feel like he should have to "jump through hoops" to get his wife to want to be with him. I suggested starting over, with dates, or hand holding, or kissing and hugging, things that I can do that won't have to lead to sex. He doesn't see why he should have to do that, and refuses. He refused to go back to counseling with our pastor, he doesn't want to have to go through it all again, but most importantly, he doesn't want to have to tell the pastor that he smokes pot. Something that was hidden from our sessions a year ago. He weighs our whole relationship on how much we have sex. He thinks that having sex 1 or 2 times a week is unacceptable, and that his needs are somehow neglected. He complains that I am not affectionate enough, but if I try to hug him or get close to him, he automatically thinks that I want it to lead to something. I don't even try to look nice anymore, because I don't want him to touch me. I hate that he doesn't care about why I don't want to be intimate, it's all about him. If I tell him my reasons he gets mad and calls them excuses. We fight, and scream, and cuss, and I had never ever been that way with anyone before. But I learned these tactics from him from the very beginning. For these reasons, and so many more that I don't have time to write about, I am just going to try and get through Christmas as civil as possible, and it is over. I am literally sinking in to a pit of depression, and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I have tried to think of what God wants for me, and I know that He hates divorce, but I can not really believe that His plan for my life was to become a drug addict and alcoholic, then get pregnant by some guy I barely knew, and be stuck with him for the rest of my life. I do believe that I was given my son to save my life, and bring me back to God, but I do not believe that I was supposed to marry this man. It was impulsive, not at all prayed about, or even carefully considered. I love him in the way that I don't want him to ever be hurt, and I want this to be as civil as possible, but I am not in love with him, (never have been, and obviously never will) I do not mean "in love" to be some ooey gooey feeling, that I know does not last in a marriage, but a deep love to do anything for another. the kind of love that makes all of the bad things in your life worth going through. I do not see how this could ever be saved now.

8 Comments on Do not get married just because you get pregnant.....

Autumn - Wednesday, 16 Dec
*hugs* I agree with you. God would want you to be HAPPY. I am not a religious person, and I think that people needs to make choices and decisions that affect themselves and what is right for them... not God. But I do understand trying to live a life for God also. Your children NEED you to be happy. There is nothing in the world compared to being in love with your significant other & having a loving compassionate relationship... other than having children :) There is someone out there that is right for you, that will treat you right, that you make sure that you are always loved and well cared for... life is so short to be unhappy... good work making the right decision for you... Everyone deserves happiness, and now you can go out and find yours! :)

Pocahontas - Monday, 14 Dec
*big loooooong hug* I think it is very brave of you to voice how you feel. It takes a lot of courage to want to do the right thing for yourself and your children. I agree that one is not suppose to be in a loveless marriage. Your marriage is not suppose to dump you into depression. God will lead you through this. Good luck Carrie *another big huge hug* - L

firstmommy08 - Saturday, 12 Dec
WOW Carrie, you got a lot on your shoulders. I never believe divorce is the answer unless he's hurting you or cheating on you... but, at the same time there's no need for you to be miserable either. I think God could change him with or without the counseling. The drug addiction would VERY MUCH be a problem for me. He definitely does need to fix that for sure. You don't want your babies around that. That could cause you to loose them. I would never want that for you. That is a major problem that he needs to take care of!!! You probably lost respect for him long ago and it would turn me off during those "intimate times" too... I don't know what else to say. You got a lot to think about...

Miracle 3 - Saturday, 12 Dec
Dito to what Katrina n said!

monkey♥love - Saturday, 12 Dec
I am so sorry hun. I don't know what I'd do if I were in your shoes. I probably would consider divorce. I know you said that God doesn't believe in divorce, but I also know that God wouldn't want you to be in a relationship of mistrust and unloyal, as your it is with your husband. I love how you say your son was a blessing to you that saved your life because that's how I felt with my daughter. I was 17 years old, I was smoking cigarettes all day and doing pot, I was drinking all the time and totally out of control, doing things a 17 year old should NOT and EVER be doing. I was with a guy that would hurt me phyiscally and emotionally all the time.... when I got pregnant with her, it made me open my eyes, My relationship got worse, but I stuck it through bc I didn't want to be a single teen mom. However by the time my daughter turned 4 months old, it got worse. I was constantly being controlled, told what I could and couldn't do or wear... I was being called things like "fat, cow, chubby, ugly, etc" by this man and if I tried to dress nice, he'd accuse me of being a "slut" and saying that I was trying to pick someone up. It was ridiculous. I was depressed, I cried all the time and I was to the point where I didn't want to get out of bed anymore. I broke things off with him and told him that it was all his fault, I was doing nothing wrong...infact I was the one raising our daughter while he was off doing whatever it was he wanted to do. He called and called and called for months begging to take me back and I stood my ground...there wasn't going to be anymore taking him back. I had my health and my daughter to think about now. I ended up meeting my husband shortly after this. Our marriage isn't like the movies but it's definately love and we have passion together... and I am so much healthier, emotionally, than I've ever been. You need to leave that relationship and start over. You're young, beautiful and strong!! You can do it. Take care of yourself, so you can take care of your kids. They're whats most important. It's almost 2010 --- the majority of families are no longer together like they used to be in the 50's, 60's, 70's and even 80's.... most kids grow up without their parents being int he same household and they manage just fine. You're kids will be fine! Good luck hun -- if you ever need to talk, please feel free to contact me anytime. I'll be thinking and praying for you.

katrina n - Saturday, 12 Dec
I would pray that God helps you figure whats best for you, your kids and your husband, maybe staying isn't helping your husband to become a better person or recoginze his shortcomings. Maybe he never will. I am sure about one thing if God is first in your life and you lean on him he will help you find the answers you need.

Gift-from-God - Saturday, 12 Dec
I'm hesitant to comment because I don't want to upset you. I feel for you, I really do. I have a wonderful marriage--I waited 6 years to marry the man I loved with all my heart, but that doesn't make me ignorant to what you are speaking of. My parents were married for 30 years. It was not a bed of roses, even though they had 11 kids together. Of course what started their problems was unfaithfulness on my Dad's part----after only 12 years of marriage. Things were never the same after that, but my Mom didn't believe in divorce so she was determined to make the most of it. It wasn't easy. My Dad was very abusive emotionally. He left a year and a half ago and is now remarried to a girl younger than myself. My Mom has struggled because she never wanted divorce---she always prayed that God would get ahold of my Dad and we would have a "right" home life. That didn't happen for her, but she can at least rest in the fact that she did all she could to make it work. I know your situation can't be easy. I will definitely be praying for you and your husband.

Julianna - Saturday, 12 Dec
I know that you say God doesn't like divorce, but something my pastor said to me when my ex and I counseled is that they sayind goes "What GOD has joined, let no-one separate" Maybe GOD didn't bring you together. Sometime WE stray from God's plan and then have to get ourselves back on track. YOU need to be happy also. The RIGHT person is out there for you and you can't be brought together until you are separate from your husband. Best of luck....I know your moral dilemma!!! I fianlly overcame the "morality" issue & moved on after 13 years of marriage to the wrong person!

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