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29-6-2008 - Doing theTWIN thing

My mood while writing this blog: Contemplative

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Embarking on any journey can be exciting and scary all at the same time. Pregnancy is one of those journeys that is defined by that very sentence. Especially, when you are a first time Mom or Dad, pregnancy is an overwhelming and gigantic change in your life. I was a first time Mom with my son. Such a big responsibility to such a small person can be so daunting. Then my daughter came and to be perfectly honest I felt calm and collected. I did experience a whole new world having a girl now after having a baby boy but I actually felt like I knew what to do and how to do it.

Now I am totally back to square one. After our daughter was 3 to 4 years old I really started letting my wishes of having just one more baby known. Although my husband really thought, " we had the perfect family already" I just would not give up. We never tried to get pregnant and in fact we were quite shocked when I ran to the bathroom to where Scott was showering for work, screaming about lines on a test. After getting over the first bit of news we went to our first OB doctors' visit just shy of two weeks later. Well just picture already having 2 children at home being scared to death to do it again after all this time and then being told, " You are having TWINS".

Wait do what? This was not what I asked for. I asked for one...what happened here? This strange phenomenon that makes some of us parents and some of us not and yet the same phenomenon offers me a chance of 2 BABIES at one time. Stunned is just not a good word infact I have yet to really think of a good word to describe my feelings. Don't get me wrong I will love them and cherish them like I do my first two but ??????

After the shock wore off the worry started. It is amazing at how fast you go from questioning this miracle to accepting and loving them before you even know them. Will they be okay? Will one be smaller than the other? Will they both be small? How small? What about NICU time? Oh my all these thoughts and many more were swimming around in my mind like the frenzy of a fish with a shark hot on it's tail. After working my self up I turn to the only person I know that can make things work out in the way they are meant to. The Lord. I prayed so hard that night for all the things I worried about and some I had no idea I was worried about either!

After I heard thier heartbeats and passed my first trimester I felt like this was meant to be and they would both be fine. So now my worries are over right? Not exactlly. How am I going to feed them both? I breastfed both my son and daughter and I feel that since I am capable it is best for the baby, so can I do it for 2? How will I hold them both? Will they both feel loved? Will I have a favorite even if I do not ralize it? There goes that fish again!

Lets think about this rationally. I can breast feed them both, the doubled demand will provide enough milk for them both. I can hold them both and I can hold them each by themselves too! My son and daughter are both loved so I am guessing that there will still be enough to go around too!

Okay after rationalizing all my thoughts I am feeling better.. until I get to 18/ 19 weeks that is. Why have I not felt them yet? I feel nothing at all and I want more than anything to feel them moving. Yes it is reasurance but have you ever wondered what twins moving around in there would feel like? I do everyday. I imagine a small octopus that is growing everyday with 8 extremeties. I could be wrong but I do not actually know becasue I still HAVE NOT felt them yet. What does this mean is there something wrong? "No", my doctor told me, with twins and higher multiples it takes a little longer because they are still small. So somewhere around 22-24 weeks you should feel them start trying out for the three ring circus that is about to take the stage in your abdomen. Well that is somewhat a relief.

Well everyday it is something new. On vacation to the beach in Florida I noticed that I seemed to get more and more tired everyday. Yea you are supposed to be tired but I was not this tired with my first two. I felt great during my second trimester. Well I do feel some better but I am still so sluggish and require a nap everyday to make it through. Then, I went down to the beach with the family. When starting back to the resort that was ocean front I bcame so winded and had to sit down for fear I would be passing out anytime. Why do I feel so rotten and why can't I walk around like I used to? Well let me tell you what I have learned. In the first few months a pregnant woman's body produces 2-3 times the amount of blood volume of your pre-pregnancy body to supply the baby and NOW babies with adequite blood. This inturn dialates your blood vessels making the possibility of dizziness possible. Even though the babies are not actually brething they are giving off Carbon Dioxide into your blood which makes you breathe harder and deeper. So now I know why I was so out of breath and dizzy. I never really thought a twin pregnancy was harder until closer to the end when your belly is so big and you can barely move but NO. My body is working even harder than most to keep up with demands of my twins on my blood, kidneys, liver and my lungs. I really am glad to know that I was not imagining things!

Everyone wants to give you advise on the best things for you and your baby. But when your having twins there really isn't many ordinary people to turn to. You ahve to go on instinct and alot of books. And well that is not very reasurring on even my best days. Hopefully if more twin moms write about thier experiences and share the wealth of knowledge that they acumulate through the pregnancy and childbirth stages and then on into the first years we will all feel like this is not some abnormal life event.

Some of my first pieces of information was to a friend of mine recently who asked me, "Are you really excited to be having twins, honestly?" Honestly, at first no I was not excited at all. I was very scared and I questioned the reasoning behnd my gift. Now I realize that I was picked for some reason and that everything happens for a reason. I still do not know that I wish to have twins or that I would have wished for them. Only because of the doubled everything!!! She then asked me, " Do you wish your kids were going to be closer in age?" I have to say NO. When our son was 3 our daughter was born and even that was hard becasue he still required so much and understood very little in the scheme of things. Now our son will be 8 and our daughter will be 5 when the babies are born. They are excited and understand when Mommy needs a break. I am excited to spend time with my new boys during the day while thier brother and sister are at school and then for us to have 'big kid' time in the afternoon. I am excited for them to be able to really enjoy their new brothers and watch them grow and help them learn all the cool stuff they know. I understand it is a personal decision on when to have your children but for us this will be perfect timing.

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6 Comments on Doing theTWIN thing


amberd521 - Wednesday, 2 Jul
I think that you are the only person that Ive heard that felt exactly like I did while i was pregnant with the boys! I felt so dizzy and people would say "eat crackers, that will help". Well these same people have never been pregnant with twins. I have a four year old so of course i knew what to expect and to eat crackers and what not. It just didnt help. After being with my job for two years I had to call in twice due to this. I couldnt see driving around delivering when I felt like I could pass out at any moment. The second time I called in they wrote me up over it, so as awful as I felt and with the way I was being treated i put in my notice. Truth is, people think that they know. That it cant be much different than having one until the end anyway. Well, they have no idea! And btw, the same worries went through my mind. I planned on breastfeeding, but then i whimped out when it came down to it. The nurse told me it takes alot of time, energy, effort, determination, and the list went on....so I decided on formula. Now I wish that I would have atleast pumped. So that might be something that u want to consider. Atleast for a couple of weeks. And when it comes to the favorite thing. My boys are four months old and I still wonder if I show one more attention than the other and just dont realize it. I dont really think that I do. Jaxon is a little more difficult and gets tummy aches alot, so he requires a bit more. However, Maddox sure lets u know that he doesnt like it most of the time. Hopefully you dont have a jealous one. Lol, he can be perfectly fine and when I pick up Jaxon, hell start looking at me and crying. I FEEL SOOO BAD! Thats the only part that I can say is something u have no control over. I know that they dont get the amount of attention that they probably need. Its really hard when u have laundry, sweeping, vacuuming, dishes! Oh my dishes. I counted 38 bottles when I washed them a couple of days ago. But then again, my boys have VERY healthy appetites. But it isnt as tough as you imagine. I promise its not. However it is hard and its easier in the beginning when they sleep so much. At 4 weeks the boys started sleeping through the night so they would want to stay up all day and went through the fighting their sleep stage. It was kind of hard but Im sure itll get easier. Its all a matter of adjusting in my opinion. Cant wait until they start holding their bottles! Then it will be alot easier to get out of the house. Oh and something I hadnt thought of was how I would know whose bottle was whose. After we had them, we started getting them confused. So I bought a permanent marker and marked a "J" on the bottom of half of them and an "M" on the other half. That helps alot. Great baby products.com sell bottle holders that i find helps alot in the car and stroller, and there very inexpensive. Walmart.com has a great double stroller that I recently bought. Its very hard to find one that has two reclining seats and this one does. You could use it from the time their born. It turns so well and its just great! Its a Contours Tandum and its black and red. But anyhew, if i dont quite typing I dont believe ill ever stop. lol. Hopefully some of this helped. Good luck with everything!.........ps, Ive often wondered how I was one of few that had twins, and i agree with you. I think its just in gods plans for some of us. He wouldnt put more on us than we could bare.

busybeemom - Monday, 30 Jun
The older 2 will be a huge help! Mine are and I love the space between them. I can pee without a kid on my lap...lol

thing1andthing2 - Monday, 30 Jun
you are not alone in feeling these things. and even now that my 2 little miracles have made it safe and sound into the world istill worry and i still find myself looking down at their 2 little faces going 2 babies omg what do i do. but i do it whatever it is i do it. it comes naturally.

Amyb32 - Monday, 30 Jun
I know what you mean. I too was overwhelmed at the idea of twins and adding 2 to my 3. It is the greatest experience in the world holding 2 babies. Hang in there..the best is still to come. http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/vip-kids/Amyb32

Jamie21 - Monday, 30 Jun
hey how are you doing?

manda-may - Sunday, 29 Jun
Hey, was great to read your twin thing blog. I am a first timer at pregnancy but there are a lot of similar feelings and things to go through. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy. xx