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06-5-2008 - My ego is still prego

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

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Hey~

Well, still pregnant.

Saturday night I became incredibly ill--all night long I was violently sick. Sunday it wouldn't let up. After about 12 straight hours of acting like I was severly poisoned--I KEPT throwing up. My hands were all swelling up, my head was throbbing, and my blood pressure was threw the roof. I felt like I was dying. Off to labor and delivery we went. I was contracting and throwing my guts up. Pumped me full of IV fluids and tons of IV nausea medications. I was contracting every 2-3 minutes and some of the contractions were off the chart. No further dilation!! Nurse told me that I needed some pain medication because to have these contractions and only be 1cm would NOT be fun. A doctor came in to make sure my water hadn't leaked. They gave me procardia to ease/stop the contractions. Even though they said they wouldn't stop it after 36 weeks it was very painful and they felt it was still too early to have the baby. I was contracting very hard and they gave me more nausea medication and pain medication. The procardia gave me a massive headache. We waited and waited to see if I would be having the baby that night. Again...there was finally some effacement, but no further dilation. They gave me more procardia and the contractions continued so they decided to keep me overnight. They could not get the contractions to calm down at all.

I hardly slept at all. I was in so much pain I just stayed in the fetal position praying for them to stop or actually do something. I couldn't sleep despite all nausea medication, pain medicaiton, procardia and sleeping pill.

NOTHING.

My IV blew and the anesthesiologist was telling me that I would need another PICC line:( They got another IV in and it lasted throughout the night. This morning I was throwing up again and feeling horrible. But...the contractions eased up A LOT. By the time the doctor came I was only contracting every 12 minutes and they were not very uncomfortable.

So....they released me this afternoon. I have VERY mixed feelings. I have worked so hard to keep this baby in. They were all joking at the hospital about how they cannot believe how much I have gone through during this pregnancy. I have been so insanely sick. Everyone assumed with all the contractions and the pain I was in that I would have the baby and it didn't happen. If I was dilating more I would have had the baby. If my water had broken I would have had the baby. Instead...I just threw up my guts and was in terrible pain that did nothing. Part of me is SO thankful. I know how incredibly important it is for baby to stay in me as long as possible. I know that I am still a week away from being full term and weeks from my due date. But...the other part of me was emotional and upset. I just couldn't believe that I went through all that and nothing happened. I BAWLED when we went by the nursery and saw a little newborn baby. I felt heartbroken. (I know it's wrong for me to feel that way...please don't lecture me). What was so odd is that I remembed this time last year bawling in Babies R Us picking up a gift for someone knowing that I wouldn't be able to have children. I guess I had that same feeling today as irrational as it is. I know I am SO incredibly blessed. I just want this more than anything in the world and I guess I just lost it. I haven't slept, I've been throwing up constantly and been in horrible pain. This journey as been so difficult...but it will be worth it.

I am really thankful that Baby King is still inside me. I know he wants out, but my body isn't allowing that--right now. I just need to keep my chin up and know that I am going to have the most amazing gift ever and that sometimes the things we want the most we have to wait for...

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11 Comments on My ego is still prego


bobbette89 - Wednesday, 7 May
welll..........i just read your latest blog now i am bawling!
i guess we have to wait til these babies are done.
they wont come out til they are ready. no matter what, i am still getting the primrose capsules tomorrow and i 'think' david and i are gonna try to see what we can do in the bedroom tonight . idk how thats gonna go....
i may end up crying in pain! i am so friggin emotional as it is.
trying to be postitve
tty tomorrow hun
sweet dreams......
bobbette

HollieNJax - Tuesday, 6 May
Don't feel bad for wanting him out. I want my lil man out soooo bad and I haven't went through half the stuff you have. He would be fine if he was born right now anyway. I am so sorry your having to go through all this. Hopefully you will get relief soon and get to hold your lil man.

Kerrie78 - Tuesday, 6 May
Hi, i just read your latest blog - and am so sorry to hear about all the pain you have gone through! You are such a strong person, and are doing incredibly well, hang in there, there really isn't much longer to go now..
I understand that you are desperate to have this baby, after going through so much - I am so impatient to have mine and I haven't even gone through what you have! These last few weeks are really trying for the best of us.. look after yourself - its just a couple more weeks til we will all be holding our babies in our arms,
x : )

StillinHisCare - Tuesday, 6 May
Dear Juliana ~ As I read, I could cry... I'm sooooo sorry for your "relief weekend" turning so hellish! On top of all the physical suffering you have been so heroically enduring, you have all the normal hormonal emotions blasting away!!! They are REAL; they are VALID; and they can be so relenteless!!! You are right in everything you said. I wish I could say it will be alright SOON, but I can't... but I do know it WILL be alright!!! It will be BETTER than alright ~ it will be magical to have that baby boy in your arms and your health returning!! It IS worth it dear one, but I'm soooo sorry that you have to go through this....
I am praying for you often throughout the day! Hold fast MaMa!!
Love to you, SA

Cindie - Tuesday, 6 May
I'm so sorry about what youve been going thru. Feel good tho that if you have this baby now that he'll be safe and has a great survival chance!

Congrats on the baby, and hopefully now that the time is getting closer you'll have an easy birth!

tiffanygannutz - Tuesday, 6 May
I'm glad that you are doing ok. The doctor said I still had at least another week I guess Aydan is very comfortable in there:)

3girls2008 - Tuesday, 6 May
Oh hunny I just read about your ordeal! You deserve a medal or something! I couldn't imagine what you are going through! Hang in there as much as you can and don't feel bad and being upset leaving without your little guy! I was almost sent home with my 2nd and I was like no way am I going through this and being sent home! As for me I see the doc tomorrow to see if anymore is going on. Part of me wants to be more dilated but then we have a great mothers day thing planned and I want to make it to that! I hope you have a better night and try and get some sleep god knows you deserve it!

-newnaam - Tuesday, 6 May
I could not imagine still throwing up at this stage in the game and you have that thing and i guess it's understandable why you still throw up.. I should be thankful that i did not puke once with either of my pregnancies!! You are a very strong woman to be going through all of this and you are right, it will be worth it in the end.
I hope you have your little man soon.. at least at 37 weeks..That would be awesome to feel like a human again and not puke!!



missannie - Tuesday, 6 May
wow... what a rough weekend!! i guess i don't have much to say, i just feel for you! at least this is all almost over. take care my dear, i'll be thinking of ya!
-annie

ps. the title of your blog IS kind of cute though... and that movie rules.

caseylynn2 - Tuesday, 6 May
WOW, you have been through so much. I hope you are getting some rest at home :( I cant imagine going through what you have had to go through. It makes me feel so lucky, but also worried about you. I am so suprised the docs made you go through all of this just to keep him growing a little longer. Do you know how much baby weighs? EIther way, all of this hard work will pay off and it will be worth it I am sure. Lots of people feel for you, hang in there :D
Casey

lisatek82 - Tuesday, 6 May
You don't sound silly at all... I felt the same way, but he did come out. You get so frustrated and nobody understands until they have had a roungh pregnancy with complications. I hope he decides to come out in a week for momma:)