28-5-2009 - Abortions...

My mood while writing this blog: Irritated, STILL!!

Ok, so let me start off and give you a little history about my situation.... When my niece was born, she was very small, the size of a telephone receiver. She was very sick and had to be hooked up on monitors in case her heart stopped, or if she stopped breathing... She had to wear this monitor even after coming home from the hospital. We had CPR charts in our house, as my parents had her all the time, cause her mom is a piece of shit....

Well when she was around 8, i told her step mom all that had been going on as i did not want my niece to be living where she was. My step sister, was a very unfit mother, and could care less about my niece. Well that started court and finally my niece was now living with her dad and step mom. She had so many things she was able to do now, clean clothes all the time, and never had to worry about washing dishes if she was hungry.... She grew up, and graduated, got her own apartment and is now living on her own. I was so proud of her, as the start of her life sucked....

Well in March she came out and stated that she was pregnant... And that she wanted an abortion. I was so frustrated, as i had lost 3 babies, and i knew that there were so many families out there that would loved to have had the baby. Or just wanted to know why they were yet to get pregnant, after trying for so long. I knew that there were families that longed for a baby, only to have it end in a M/C. it broke my heart to know that my neice wanted to take the life of this baby, all because she was being selfish. I have informed my mom that at this time in my life, i no longer had a niece. My mom knew how hard this was on me. Actually i was doing research on the babys age and such, which is how i found this site. (which i am so happy that i did) Anywhoo, i also looked up the way they did abortions, cause i wanted her to know what they would do.

My husband and I had even agreed that we would take gaurdianship over the baby for now, and that when she was able to financially afford to care for the baby, she would be able to have him or her whenever. The baby would only ever know us as aunt and uncle, no problem.....

Well why would i be so upset and say i no longer at this time have a niece? Well i cant even face her, when i think about her all i think about is baby killer... why would i think that you ask, well.... she was 4 1/2 months along in her pregnancy... she was halfway there.... and yet she killed her son, or daughter... ugh... i still think about it a lot. With being on this site, and seeing ladies that have become friends, struggle to get preg, or loose them, reminds me that my niece was so selfish..... she had been preg since before christmas, and waited THAT long to do anything....

Diane is having to make one of the hardest choices in her life, and to know how much she helps everybody on this site with all of our many questions, it kills me to know that my neice who had a healthy baby, killed it cause she did not want it to BOND with me, but did not want it herself... Or Sarah, who takes the time and energy to paint her little guys room in the toy story theme that he enjoys so much she would be a great mom, yet she is still hoping and waiting for baby number 2, or even starburst who is struggling with being able to carry her second baby as well. Or raychel, although i dont know her personally, she is a great person also... Has also helped me a lot, her and her husband have been trying for 3 years for a baby, if im thinking right... but regardless there are so many of you, that do not even have a baby yet, or are longing to bring another one into your loving home. And it just kills me still so much to know that someone could be so heartless.... Ugh...

Im sorry for ranting and venting, but I have yet to get over this, and dont know when i will ever be able to face my niece again, and when my heart will heal from this. I know that it was not my choice, but to be that far along before doing anything, just tears me up everyday.... ugh... Again, sorry this was so long, just been thinking about it a lot lately... All you ladies are wonderful, and i really hope that you all get you BFPs soon... STICKY STICKY baby dust to everyone.... and thank you for letting me get this out....