21-11-2008 - tOoOo Anxious!! Advise PLEASE!!

My mood while writing this blog: StreSSed!!!

Ahhh...So lately I have been stressing over everything. Anything gets me stressed..lol. When I feel like something needs to be done..I have to do it asap!!! I am becoming very anal. I hate that. I make sure all of our clothes are always washed and ironed. Everything has to be neat or I get really nervous. My new thing is boiling water when doing the dishes so I can dump the water onto the clean dishes to make sure I got all the germs off. I try really hard to be the perfect wife... and no one can be perfect. I go as far as starting my husbands truck so he has a warm car in the morning. I try to fill the bathtub for my husband in the morning and I lay all his clothes out. Believe me I don't think these things make me any better a wife... but deep it helps?? I guess things Im lacking in im trying to make up for. Does anyone else act like this??

Also I have really bad anxiety. I am keeping it to myself. I am constantly worrying. I am constantly feeling like something bad is going to happen to one of my kids. I am becoming an over protective parent. And I don't think that makes you a good parent. I am constantly checking on the baby in my belly. If I dont feel movement for a few hours... it is sick... but I think omg is he alive. I know thats terrible. I worry about pre-term labor..ect. Things I don't have control over. I am really excited to be preggo and all these fears are taking away from the experience. My 2 year old had an ear ache and I was frantic!! I also hate being in the car when anyone else is driving. (But my family doesn't realize that yet.) I am like an old lady. This happened with my 1st pregnancy and went away... but what do I do till the baby arrives? I don't want to scare my family and tell them exactly how I feel. Does anyone else take panic attacks? Because thats almost what they are. Im thinking its bacause I don't have control over my life like normal? Ahhh... words of wisdom would really help!! Thanks!!