26-11-2008 - Dear Diary

My mood while writing this blog: I am like the blog queen lately!

These blogs are like my diary anymore....They sometimes keep me half sane..lol. So tonight around 11 my husband decided to go out. I was invited. My momther-in-law is sleeping on the couch....so I didnt want to wake her and tell her we both were going out.... So I told him he could go. I was kinda upset but I knew it was my hormones and didn't let it show. He got all dressed up. Well kinda. I starting getting increasingly upset as I watched him put on on oxford shirt and saddle shoes. Once he left I got out of bed and on the computer. Around 1 I heard the truck pull up and the car alarm go off..but no J.J. He most of met someone and decided to jump in there car. So now I am being a pregnant nut and thinking...where is he? Who did he go with? It's really not a big story..that's it...lol.

As I am getting into my third trimester...next week...yay... I am becoming very emotional again! I hate feeling like I can't control how I am feeling. We used to go out once a week together. It was great. I got out of the house and all dressed up. It made me feel good. We would have a blast going here and there. I love being a mom but that date night thing was great!! Now that I preggo he still wants to do the same things...I don't. So i normally stay home. It's like he's out..theres pretty, skinny girls out hot to trott...lol. Here I am 20ilbs later... by myself. I find myself getting jealous of him. Does that make sense? It's like there he goes feeling great while I'm here feeling like a tinking time bomb for the next 14 weeks. We share myspace and all he ever does is put all these good looking girls on(same as always) But lately it is driving me nuts. I asked tonight if he would ever cheat on me because I look different. He explained he would never and that was stupid to even ask. However, I know he is a guy and will look at other girls...I believe every guy does... but its like okay you did this to my body. (beleieveI am glad...THRILLED... just feeling shitty) Bottom line..I am so excited about the baby....it just seems like tonight 14 weeks is s longgggggg ways away!! Is feeling like this the rest of my pregnancy?

When will I feel good about myself...really good about myself? When will I be able to carry my 2 year old without gasping for air? I used to be the girl that would be cool with going to the strip club...now I want everyone to enjoy food and be fat...lol. Dont get me wrong I love being a mom...it just feels like there is no break when ur preggo. I am normally not shallow either. I just want it ti be March. God please let March come fast!!! Thanks to anyone listening to me vent...I am probably going to go to bed If J gets his skinny butt home..lol.