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08-1-2009 - Frustrated!!

My mood while writing this blog: Ready to pull my hair out!!

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Sorry this is my third blog in like three days. My 5 year old is driving me nuts!!! (I mean I do Love him) I had him when I just turned 19. I lived with my parents and it was so easy for me to go out. I had the best of both worlds going out and having Nikki there when I wanted him. I was to immature and am sorry to say but didn't look at motherhood like I do now. My parents basically became so pushy that they became his parents to it seemed like. Well mean while my parents split up and are having a nasty divorce. I live with my husband and our 2 year old son. So nikki thankfully is moving in with us. I am glad.. this is what I needed to do for a looong time. I failed to mention he was so spoiled that when I did grow up and move out of my parents house he didn't want to come. My parents gave me ah HARD time. Being young and stupid I listened to them. I now have the support of my parents. (well so they say... there lives are so screwed up they dont know whats going on!) So my problem is my 2 tear old listens but my 5 year old becomes terrible throughout the day when he needs to folllow structure. It gets so frusterating. I know its my fault to begin with but fixing the problem is more difficult than I thought. I wonder how long his attitude will last. The thing is he says he wants to live here... he just gets mad easy from being so spoiled. My husband is such a good guy and is helping so much!! My parents were using him as a pawn so he has no option but to stay here w. me as far as I am concerned. How long before this becomes natural? I am used to having him alot but now it is a big change going from alot to all the time. I just need some support right now so any would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. This is the best for my family.. it is just harder then I thought. I failed to mention also... the kids fight because they get sick of eachother 24/7.

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4 Comments on Frustrated!!


danileigh - Saturday, 10 Jan
He will adjust because he is only 5. Just let him know what your expectations are and what rules he has to follow. Keep reminding him. Also, when he gets in trouble, let him know that you are punishing out of love. Give LOTS of rewards for acceptable behavior you are looking for. Tell him when he is doing something right-that is the most important thing. I am a teacher, so I can verify that all of that will work.

Jacq98 - Friday, 9 Jan
ok- I have a few thoughts: first- I understand a little crazy 19 yr old- but why did you not have your son when you moved out and why did you wait till he was 5 to have him again.? You not being that constant in his life (wether good or bad) starts you at square one. SOOO- wether you have him full time or not or ifhe is spoiled or not, has NO BEARING whatsoever on how you choose to run your house hold. In your house you set the rules. BUT they need to be clearly communicated to the 5 yr old and understood- a punishment if not followed and it always needs to be consistant. how long will it take for your son to relax into a routine- it could take weeks, months years- everything he knew as core stability (grandparents) daily has been uprooted and changed. NOW- if you have chosen to bring him in to your home now- it should stay that way unless you choose to give all rights to the grandparents once and for all. I would suggest- a 2 hr session with a well known child psychologist. I have been owrking with one and it has changed my life, and parenting. YOUR SON: my daughter is 5. write down really big on paper. the top rules: and have him help decorate it- put it on the wall. Then - get another piece of paper- and write down BEHAVIOR and then RESPONSIBILITES. then go out and let him choose little stickers. at the end of every day- if his behavior is good (no tantrums) he gets a star next to it. and if he cleared his table , brushed his teeth, picked up his toys, got himselt dressed or whatever you chose as reasonable responsibilites THEN he gets another star. THIS - time after dinner- you get to talk to him bout his day- and how he acted and ask him "do you think you should get a sticker for good behavior" then ask "well what about at the grocer store... with the candy"? how do you think you acted then. ASK him- this creates him to think and take responsibility for his actions. He may not get it- but over time he will. LOOK up "1-2-3 magic". (IF AND ONLY IF you are consitant) i mean work your ass off consistant. and you stay calm. and explain the expectation ahead of time) IT WILL WORK. no spanking will be necesary- but really try it. SET A SCHELDUAL. he needs consitancy and stability bc of the change. Every few months expect a regress- and when he sees his grandparents. it will happen! but again - calmly reiterate the expected behavior in your home. and be consistant especially those first few hours to days after he returns. my children go to thier fathers every other weekend- so i deal with them comming home spoiled and nuts- but again - its your house as a family. and always love him. He is testing you probably at this point- and seeing if he can really trust you ultimately. I know its hard- but you CAN DO IT. you can- and will succeed - if YOU really want to and work at it... think through his eyes- good luck - Im very blunt- but in the end its what works--- let me know how it goes.. :P

Aliwitbaby - Friday, 9 Jan
Structure love and discipline. We took in a boy at age 5 who was just like that because his grandma was raising him. We put him in time out the SECOND he did something we didn't agree with and never let him get away with anything. We constantly hugged him and told him we loved him. After about 2 weeks he was a new kid and hasn't turned back. Just don't let him get away with anything and he'll soon learn how to change his actions. Also we had him on a routine and had breakfast lunch and dinner everyday at the same time, play time,, playground and limited tv time to 2 hours at night, so he knew what to expect.

~ I luv my boyz ~ - Friday, 9 Jan
K first of all do not let them make you feellike that he is your son you carried him and you gave birth to him he is not theres I stress this cause ive been there I had my first son korbin at 18 and had to go thru tremendous amount of you dont know what you are doing your young stupid etc my mom actually on one occasion admitted that she felt I had korbin for her and she felt he was hers!!!
From the start he has been spoiled to the point that we have a very hard time getting him to listen to our rules b/c my mother has spoiled him to the point of extreme over indulgence so what we offered is not good enough.....
I had a long talk with my mom that had not worked so I banned her from seeing him for a month she freaked apologized now what I say goes.....But I know how it feels I struggled with motherhood and doubted myself unecessarily b/c of my family I have just got to the point that I really dont give a shit whta they say about my parenting,and I can hardly wait for there reaction when Iam pg again and Itell them all!!lol!
Anyways back on topic get a hold of the reigns now and always remember you are the parent he is the child I struggle with this cause they sure can find ways to manipulate you to get what they want.
I beleive in time outs does this still work with him?
I hate tosay I beleive in a firm spank but sometimes it works.
I wish you all the best luck and if you have any struggles with this write me I also have a preshooler whom thinks he knows all lol!