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02-4-2009 - Words cannot describe

My mood while writing this blog: numb, devestated

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I went in yesterday to check on my babies and make sure they were still alive as we did every 2 weeks. I was excited cause I thought he might tell me the sexes. You only just had to see one baby for both sexes so I didnt think it would be hard. He said we will see. I had not felt movement yet but I was 17 weeks to the day and thought I still had a couple days to a week to feel them. I had just head both heart 5 days before this going strong. He started doing the u/s and immediatlly my husband and I saw no movement from either baby. He looked for hearts for about 2 minutes. I just broke down and lost it. My babies have passed. I did not want to carry them knowing they were not alive I just couldnt bare it. I went in 3 hours later to be induced. They put a pill in my cervix every 4 hours and I did not have to be a ten cause of babies being so little. I lost them at 17 weeks. It had just happend. I did have epidural cause I didnt want to feel anything with my outcome. I also had a ambien and some pill that made me relax and I was kinda out of it. 8 hours after first pill I delivered my momo babies. They were girls. Just like I had thought. 7 inches a piece in length and weighing 3.4oz and 3.7oz. Their cords were tangled 17 times and in 4 knots and one baby had the cord around her kneck twice. We named them Saylor Grace and Aurora Rose.I am an emotional rollercoaster wreck right now. I loved and love them so much. I hate this. We are having a graveside service burial with a gorgeous headstone. We arranged that as soon as I was released today. Monday at 11 I will lay my sweet girls to rest. I got so many pictures of them I keep looking at them all the time. We got 2 memory boxes with hand and footprints and thier dresses they took pictures in and just alot of stuff. This is so hard I am a mess. I hope everyone is doing well. Really. I hope none of you have to go through this ever.

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32 Comments on Words cannot describe


kbfulloffaith - Wednesday, 29 Jul
I just read your story...
I went through it ...it's hard, but women are strong...
congrats on this baby, best to you!!

mmyof3angels - Saturday, 18 Apr
OMG! I just read this and I am bawling...I have lost 3 babies myself...I know its a very hard thing to endure. I pray that you can be strong and get through this hard time! {Hugs}

baby[bump]mama - Thursday, 16 Apr
i am so sry for you losses. i am just in tears. i pray that you and you family can overcome this. but i know it will be very hard.





jennifer-irene - Wednesday, 8 Apr
Oh no I am soo sorry for your loses! I cant even imagine on what your going through. BUt they are with someone very special and in no pain. My prayers and thought go out to you! God bless you and your Family

vicki--mommy of 4 - Tuesday, 7 Apr
I am so sorry hun!!! I know words can't make it better, but you and your sweet babies are in my prayers!

Texas gal - Monday, 6 Apr
Just wanted you to know that I was thinking about you today and what you must be going thru today. Hugs.

moncheri09 - Sunday, 5 Apr
My sincerest condolences - my thoughts are with you and your family.

Carolina-momma - Sunday, 5 Apr
We are all here for you. Take care of yourself in this most difficult time.

gurlgamer - Friday, 3 Apr
I'm so sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing and I can't even imagine how you must be feeling right nowo. I pray that GOD our precious father comforts you and your husband during this time and my prayers are with you. GOD bless.

~Tarin~ - Friday, 3 Apr
I am so sorry to hear of your news...but thank you for sharing it! This time must be difficult and could not imagine what you are feeling. Please know that I am hear for you in any way I can...I don't think there any words that I could say that will help ease your pain. You and your husband are very strong people, and remember to be there for each other and your other children. You will all grieve in your own ways...and that is okay! Take care of yourself, and I hope you have a beautiful barriel!

hilary-n-tremayne - Friday, 3 Apr
i am soo sorry to hear this!!! i can't imagine what you are going through. if you need someone to talk to, i am here! hugs.

SAO~ALMOST~DONE~BEING~PREGNANT - Friday, 3 Apr
Words can't express how sorry I feel for your lost! Be strong and god will bless you again! I realized that when a spirit enter this world and something happens, you will always get the same spirit again.I have had only one miscarriage and that was last year! I didn even know I was pregnant so I didn't even take care of my self(drinking and smokin)same time this year I am pregnant by a man that will truly love me and my baby, so everything worked out for the best for me! I hope you find solace in knowing your daughters are going back to heaven for now! U will see them again, maybe one by one this time around. Believe what I say god works in generous ways! Love you

Xaviers Mommy :) - Friday, 3 Apr
words can not explain how sorry I am =/ this is the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone, and no one deserves for this to happen. My God be with you and your family. xoxo

enkjohnson - Friday, 3 Apr
I am sooo very sorry for your loss. I know there is nothing I can say, or ANYONE can say to make you feel better. You will be in my thoughts. Hang in there!

buffyhaving twins - Friday, 3 Apr
OMG! I'm so sorry, this is so aweful. My heart breaks for you. Take care.

FinallyPreggers - Friday, 3 Apr
I am soo very sorry for your loss. Keep your head up sweetie. I'll be praying for you and your family. We're here for you.

kennedysmommie - Friday, 3 Apr
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

kennedysmommie - Friday, 3 Apr
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Hope4aMiracle2255 - Friday, 3 Apr
you are in my prayers and thoughts. I am so sorry you had to go through this.

born2shine23 - Friday, 3 Apr
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Taren C. May God bless you and your family during this time.

mommy2littlegirls - Friday, 3 Apr
I am so sorry for the lost of your beautiful little girls. my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. XxXx

maebeth - Friday, 3 Apr
Hi. I am so terribly sorry for your loss and your family's loss. My prayers go out to you and your family. I hope that eventually you can find some peace. Again, I'm so sorry.

pinkmama - Friday, 3 Apr
oh my god.. i am so sorry for your loss.. i cannot even imagine what you are feeling right now. i know nothing i say can make you feel any better.. but if you need to talk to anyone, im here.. my thought and prayers are with you and your family.

Amber

youngbaby - Friday, 3 Apr
I am so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. xo

Texas gal - Friday, 3 Apr
Oh honey, I am so sorry to hear of you and your husbands loss of your baby girls. We never know why these things happen. There are no words to help you with your loss. Just know that a lot of people are praying for you during your grieving. I lost my husband of 10 1/2 years in 2003. I remarried years later. But, I cannot imagine the loss of a child. My prayers are with you and your family.

mindygallo22 - Friday, 3 Apr
OH Sweetie I am so so very sorry. ((((((HUGS)))))

RainbowRach - Friday, 3 Apr
I am so sorry you lost your precious girls.

Heidi Boo - Friday, 3 Apr
Oh no, I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family. x

vodka82 - Thursday, 2 Apr
i am so sorry , my thorts and prayers are with u and your precious angels xx

mrs.leyva - Thursday, 2 Apr
I am so terribly sorry. If you ever just need to unload I'm always hear for you to just let it out on. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

sannitajr - Thursday, 2 Apr
I'm sorry for your lost and I hope you feel better. My prayers are with you and your family

mommyto6 - Thursday, 2 Apr
I am so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this very difficult time.