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02-6-2009 - Dont Understand

My mood while writing this blog: confused and upset

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I dont understand this at all. This has never happened to me ever! I got 4 faint positives. Everyone I showed could see them. Cramping on and off since Wednesday last week. Tingly BBs. Worse cramping Saturday night. The 4 positives yesterday only to wake up and wipe after going to the bathroom with bright blood. Yesterday my nurse said any line there has picked up the hormone. How could i have the hormone then start today. I am totally bummed. I cannot TTC anymore. I tried 7 months with my twins then lost them. I tried this time and this. This is to much right now. I say I am leaving it in Gods hands but I am really not. I am obsessing over it. No more. Hubby and I will not use any birth control. We are just leaving it in Gods hands. All this TTC is consuming me from my family. When TTC it really takes your whole month. Your life is based about every 2 weeks. I cant do this anymore. I will come on and check every once in awhile but I really dont think I will come on as much. This site is addicting. I want to know how everyone is doing. So everyone pregnant Congrats and I wish you the best. Everyone TTC my prayers are with you to get that BFP! Take care.

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7 Comments on Dont Understand


aselleck26 - Thursday, 4 Jun
im sorry hun. TTC is very stressful.

utopianite - Wednesday, 3 Jun
I'm so sorry. I've had that happen twice before. Both times it was followed by a healthy pregnancy within 2 months. The doctor says if the baby has a chromosomal abnormality, sometimes your body will recognize it early on and reabsorb everything. Some people call it a chemical pregnancy. So it's possible that's what you experienced.

Texas gal - Wednesday, 3 Jun
I am sorry. I know exactly how you feel. My first husband I tried off/on for years to concieve. He had many fertility issues and it just never happened for us. We never did in vitro because he said it was too expensive. But, believe me, we could have afforded it. Then years later, he was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. Then and only then did my husband want to under go invitro fertilization. I said no way. Because, I didn't want a raise a child by myself without a father. It was heartbreaking for both of us. Just remember, that you still have your husband, and he is there for you. If I were you, I would take a break too. Try to make it happen on your own instead of obsessing about it. I did the same thing. Let things calm down for a couple of months and then try it again. My sister in law is going thru the same issues. She's seeing a fertility specialists now. Her world is consumed with clomid, expensive shots, ultra sounds etc. She has one side that is completely blocked. So, she can only ovulate on one side. I wish you and your hubby the best. hang in there.

kristyk. - Tuesday, 2 Jun
I'm so sorry, good luck to you and your husband in the future.

anxiousannie - Tuesday, 2 Jun
Oh Angel I am so sorry this happened. This is a terrible disappointment, but I think you have the right attitude. You've been through so much in the past few months, I think you should give yourself a break and enjoy the summer with the BEAUTIFUL children you have. Give your mind and your body some rest and when the time is right you'll have more children :0)

slh1980 - Tuesday, 2 Jun
I only have two children (would love to have a lot more) but I definitely know where you're coming from. I appreciate your honesty and heart on the matter....I have left it up to God as well. I know he has been the reason I have the two beautiful children I have now and I have to believe he will bless us with more...just not knowing is the hard part. It does tend to consume every month--I struggle with this as well. It's constantly on my mind whether or not it will happen in a given month and I find that my thoughts are too divided with that to really give the family that I have NOW the attention that they deserve and need. "Alright, God! I'm letting go of this! It's totally in your hands now!" :) Keep smiling...and write to me any time.

cpalmer - Tuesday, 2 Jun
what kind of tests were they?? they may have been evaporation lines, sorry to hear that this isnt your month hun, keep your head up!! i just had a couple of very stressful months TTC and am taking a break this month from all the charting and the stress, i hope things work out for you ((HUGS))