16-2-2009 - 10w0d

My mood while writing this blog: sick

I have been so sick. Not just with morning sickness, but with allergies! My throat has been scratchy, my nose is stuffed up and runny. This isn't fun at all. On top of everything, work sucks. I definitely don't want to be a teacher anymore. I don't get paid near enough for all the stuff I do.

Last night was my first night of having labor dreams. I dreamed I had gone into labor and my water broke and I sat in a room at the hospital for hours and hours while my freind read a magazine and I leaked fluids only to find out I wasn't really in labor. It was frustrating. It was quite vivid too.

My husband freaked out because I painted my nails yesterday and said that I was not cautious enough and might have caused a birth defect. I wasn't concerned because it's not like I was inhaling it for hours. It was only for a few minutes and it didn't smell that bad. Am I not being cautious enough? I thought it was ok to paint my nails every once in a while.

I'm a little concerned about looking ok while I'm in the delivery room. I don't want to look too haggard. Does anyone else have this fear? I've taken to making sure I put on make up everyday so I'll get into the habbit and then when the day comes, I'll be prepared.

I keep thinking about such random things and worrying about the most trivial things like looking good in the delivery room. I am terrified that my husband will think I'm unattractive. Right now my belly sticks out a little and it just looks like I'm fat so I'm completely paranoid about what I look like with no clothes on.

The other thing I'm worried about is that after we had our mommy/daddy time yesterday, I started bleeding a little. It was just a little on the tp when I went to the restroom but it freaked me out because it was bright red. The only time this happened before, it was only a tiny little light pink stain. Has this happened to anyone else? I thought that it would be like normal during the beginning and then near the end this sort of thing would happen.

I'm also afraid that when my labor starts I'll just think it's false labor or not bad enough to go to the hospital yet and then give birth in the car on the way or at home by accident. I'm especially terrified that I'll get the urge to push on the hour long drive to the hospital.

So in the beginning I started taking weekly photos of my belly and then from week seven to week ten I haven't taken one photo. I think I'll just do the one per month or something. Anyway, I'm getting very antsy and I just want the school year to be over already!