NinaBo-Bina's I-am-pregnantblog

NinaBo-Bina
	Age: 35 Country: USA Province/region: Illinois City: Schaumburg Partner: Engaged to my love Dean Children: Yes, 3 Pregnant: Not anymore Occupation: Office Manager
	Online: 8 hours ago. Last updated: 2 days ago. Member since: 194 days
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20-10-2009 - Serious Sibling Rivalry Already!

My mood while writing this blog:
Sad

I had one of the most traumatic experiences yesterday. My daughter never made it off the school bus after school. She was to get off at 3: 30 and there was no site of her. She is an 11 year old 6th grader and she has had an impressive year thus far. Her grades have been wonderful, she has been turning in homework and making positive & healthy friendships with other girls. What you don't know is that she has had a very troubling past. She has been in extensive counseling for past 2 years, she had to be admitted into the behavioral unit at the hospital for 10 days to protect her from herself as she became quite suicidal and she is a very angry, promiscuous and sneaky and manipulative little girl. I know she has had a tough life and her father is a real big part of why she is this way but God knows I have tried. It all started really when I brought home the bedding fro the crib Sunday and she was just getting home from spending the weekend with her dad. She had this look on her face like she was being replaced. She seem to change right then and there. I try everything humanly possible to make her feel involved in this new baby. I never want her to feel excluded in fact I know how special this baby will be to her once he is born. She will be like the 2nd mama. For some reason, this has twisted her up inside and yesterday she plotted a runaway with 2 other girls from the school. The police found the girls hanging around a park several miles from home about 1 hr from the report. She has such a nasty attitude and now wants to go live with her dad. She even told me yesterday " I wish you would just die"! OMG, how could she feel this way?? You must understand, I have gone through a lot with my daughter's behaviors for the past 5 years and things are just getting worse. My 14 year old son is heavenly. He is wonderful. Helpful. Caring. Affectionate. Respectful. Thank God I don't have 2 kids behaving this way. The delema I am running into is if sending her to her father's to finish the school year will be in her best interest. Will she be safer going? I am so afraid she will try and take off again and then what? What if something tragic happens because I try to hold onto her too tight? I feel so sad that I need to make this decision. I love my daughter! She would only be 1 hr away in Wisconsin but she wouldn't be with me. I never not had her with me. I feel like a failure of a mother and her I am about to bring another child into this world. I pray for guidance through this. I pray for peace of mind. I pray for serenity and I pray for God's will for me. He know's I seek it. Anyone having problems maybe not even to this degree with their kids excepting the concept of a new baby joining the family?

9 Comments on Serious Sibling Rivalry Already!

azsmika - Thursday, 22 Oct
That's sad. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Try to talk to her and give her much more attention and affection as you usually do. She might be feeling a disconnect now that you are pregnant. Do some bounding activities with her, take her to places she likes to go and talk with her about how important is she as your only daughter. I would approach it with love so maybe she will feel safe again and realize there is no reason to rebel or compete. Tell her that you know her so long and this baby will be new and you need her help to raise her.

HereComes4 - Wednesday, 21 Oct
When I was a teenager, I was not good and at one point begged to live with my dad (which I never had before). My mom would not let me and kind of guilt-tripped me into staying with her. To this day, I am beyond grateful I stayed w/my mom...I still had my issues until about 17 or 18, but if I would've lived w/my dad I would've been WAY worse off and who knows what. Try to get your daughter to stay with you...she needs her mom way more than her dad, even if she acts like she doesn't. Or maybe a temporary stay w/dad will make her realize how much she misses you in her life always. Good luck...girls are nuts at this age...I will say a prayer for you.

mals313 - Wednesday, 21 Oct
Hi NinaSorry Im just getting to reply to your blog. Im really sorry you are going through this. Being a first time mother, I dont know if I have any advice of value but what I do know is that when I was growing up I also had some hostility issues towards my mother and said some pretty nasty things to her. Looking back on it I wish more than anything that I could take those things back. For me, it was a phase and my mother and I have a very nice relationship now. I think I changed when I realized just how much I was hurting my mother. I saw that I made her cry and it just hit me. I felt awful. Maybe you can ask to have a chit chat with her and just open up. tell her how much you love her and would do anything for her. Let her know that it kills you to hear those things come out of her mouth. That you dont ever intentionally do things to upset her and to please be vocal when something is bothering her and you two can work it out together. I would tell her that if she really wants to go live with her Dad that you are willing to give it a shot if that would make her happy but she has to promise to do well in school and to behave. Like some of the others said, I bet she will see that the grass is not greener over there. I really hope this helps. I think a good old fashioned heart to heart may be a success. xoxooxox

sandistar03 - Wednesday, 21 Oct
ok i am going to tell u of my personal experiance when i was a freshman in high school my mom and dad go devorced my dad had never been a true dad and when they got divorced he was so i wanted to live with him it broke my moms heart but i soon found out that the grass was not greener on the other side and came home to my mom personaly i think it made me and my mom closer she is the only thing i have as for a true parent my step dad is wonderful i love him to death and sometimes wish he was my true father but i have not talked to my bio dad in over 3 years i know that u are going to do what u think is best and i wish u luck my story may not help but if it does that is all i wanted to do is help best of luck and i am sure u ARE a wonderful mom

fruitful - Wednesday, 21 Oct
I'm so sorry you are facing this challenge with your daughter right now, but I think the suggestions given before mine are good ones to try out. All the best!

angelblessings - Wednesday, 21 Oct
dont feel like a failure. but dont ignore her feelings either. dont forget she was the baby of the family and now shes not goin to be that anymore. so yes there might be some resentment. but you can change things. Include Her In the Decision Making ..when it comes the the baby. thats what i do with my daughter. im making her my helper. my daughter feels now like being a apart instead of being excluded. let her help you pick things out and talk about the baby. yes, maybe she needs more time with you then your son. some kids need more attention then others. nothing wrong with that. and yes, spend days when its just you and her. dont talk about the baby when you guys are together unless she brings something up. ...well just some suggestions that might work. hope something works out...hugggss

unexpected23 - Tuesday, 20 Oct
Why do girls have to be such drama queens? My daughter is a drama queen she is 6 years old though once in a while she slips and tries to get jealous but she can't. I'm a stay at home mom and my kids get so much attention they can't handle it. My 13 month old sleeps with me and my 6 year old rules the house she is spoiled rotten I'm just afraid that is going to bite me in the butt later. but there's nothing you can do kids are kids. my niece is 7 going on 17 and she gives her mom a hard time for having a baby and the baby is almost 2 years old. I think girls go through alot when the father is not in the household, I know I did. That's why I keep my husband around.

MamaLuvnJah - Tuesday, 20 Oct
Sounds like me when I was her age. . All she wants is your attention. Give her more hugs and kisses to make her feel like she is not being replaced. Even if she says the meanest things, ignore it. Don't let it get you upset. Tell her you know she loves you and doesn't mean it. Tell her how much she means to you.. Plan days that you have mom and daughter time and do something she would love. Keep trying and she'll give in and forget about wanting to leave because she feels so much love from you. Try being a cool friend to hang out w/ when you do hang out. You need to gain her trust. I have a 14 yrs old sister and I'm 31yrs old. I help my mom w/ her all the time. She 's finally on the right track now. Don't give up. Hang in there mama.

laluyaya02 - Tuesday, 20 Oct
Don't blame yourself, it is nothing you did. She is going through a very difficult time. I remember when I was that age I hated life and everyone. I always thought if I was someone else or somewhere else things would be better. I ran away from home twice, both times the police found me. I did counseling at school and my mom tried everything she could think of.... however the problem wasn't home, it was school. I had a hard time adjusting to things. My mom was getting ready to have my sister and I felt lost in the scramble of things like I didnt matter, then I would go to school and it would be the same exact thing. I was lost with few friends and the ones I did have were very disturbed children who were abused. I think maybe you and your daughter should play hookie for one day and go out to lunch and go shopping. Don't talk about any trouble she has been causing just have fun and enjoy her company. Then on the drive home tell her that if she would like to move then she can but you would really miss her and you do want her to stay with you. Good luck! I will pray for you and your daughter.

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