26-8-2009 - OK LADIES I WANNA TELL YALL SOME THING BUT ITS LONG

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

Hey LAdies forgive me for the yellow my page is dark so i decided ot put a bright color. ok i kno i really shouldnt come on here after not really being faithful to the site since jr got here to tell my business but hey.i love yall..neway now since jr got here me and his dad have been thru so much and now i have to go by the things that happened by month.

MAY: not much happened just a lot of arguing and carrying on. i get pregnant and miscarry and as you all know i didnt move in with big k because i had ot go back to school to further my education so when i do move in ith him it would be easier and less stressful for us. so i guess this is the time he began visiting yhe chatline and i just didnt know.

JUNE: well Kienan decided ot take his family to a family weddinh because he didnt want to leave us here 1 and 2 he wanted to show off his gamily. so this was the beginning of june and just as soon as we come back it jus so happens that i look thru his text messages and i see he is talking to other women. i instantly get infuriated because the text he sent to this chick was ""i wanna **** your mouth" and after that he came and had sex with me(i was sleep while he was texting) so i leave and go out and confront him via text message. hethen tries to be some macho man and say i shouldnt been lookig thru his phone and the contents in it are for his eyes only yadd yadd yadda so i all his bluff and not speak to him for about a week. the following week i went over to his place and he told me about th girl cuz i still wasnt talking to him i just wanted for him to see his son. so he tells me thata the girl has a man and she says some wild stuff to him jokingly and so he said something to her jokingly. ok being that i talk to guys and i know this happens all the time i forgave him. things jus seemed to go from bad to worst ever since then and it jus kept getting worst and worst.

JULY: kienans birthday was july 1st and u kno we did the nasty i had been noticing since the end of june that i had my same pregnancy symptoms that i had with jr i thought i was buggin out so ignored it. july 9th rolls around and i go get a pap smear and took a pregnancy test via urine to get cleared for a iud..it was negative but deep down i already knew i was pregnant so i had them admionister the blood test for hcg..about a week later i went back and it was positive. i dont kno how i was shocked cuz i already knew i was knocked up for the 2nd time since i had become a mother..sad rite? well a week folloeing my positive pregnancy test i had terminated the pregnancy for sooo many reasons and deep down i didnt want to but i knew i did the right thing. i figured if god gave me the pregnancy i can send the baby back to god till im ready for it. so were still in july rite the days after i got thetermination my sons dad goes to a party..did i mention that he began partying because i didnt move in with him..i guess thats why. now were back to arguing and carrying on..

AUGUST: this mo9nth wasnt so bad until my accusation of him cheating came up again..i guess its cuz me being me i can forgive u but that doesnt mean im gonna forget what i was mad at you for. so now this happened 3 weeks ago kienan broke up with me because "i dont trust him" but let me tell u how this even came about. sunday a week before he broke up with me he comes home from work and sys see if my mother can watch jr so we can go to this party. i ask my mother is she would and she says yes. fast forward to friday we go to queens to visit his mother (the party was saturday) and were all talking and laughing and it jus so happens kienans mother bring up us staying the entire weekend. so hes like no u messing up my plans i had my whole day set up and so i chime in and say yea cuz we going out. he says "we? im goin to a party" so i start fuming and ask him u aint ask me to get my mother to watch jr cuz u invited me to a party??? so he say no i didnt invite u nowhere so i storm out the house and didnt come back..i finally decide to go to the house and go to sleep so it seemed as if i was over it but i damn sure wasnt. so the next morning i wake up with an attitude and his mom and aunt went out for breakfast and we talk it over or at least try to and he gets up to go sit on the portch and his mom called alerting us that they were on their way back. so he left a text message open and i read it of course a female and i called her..maybe i was wrong for that but so what. thisis supposed to be my man and we supposed to be commited so why is it that a female is texting u saying she is rite around where he lives why does this bitch even kno where he lives rite..well like i said i called her and he didnt find out untill waaaaay later that night. i was all the way in the bx when this happened so he breaks up wit me and so now this was almost 3 weeks ago. now friday i went to a partry got drunk and had to wake up saturday and go to queens t oget my son but i felt extremely sick from friday nights festivities so i called bakc and said ill come but im not bringing all our stuff cuz i feel sick and weak so i get another hpone call asking me to bring a change of clothes for big kienan because he was doing some cleaning for his disabled mother and needed to shower. so i brought it kienan finishes what he was doing and we (me and his mother )were on ther portch. we all go inside i greet jr and give him some love. so his dad winds up getting in the shower and asks his mom if she has deodorant. meanwhile the night before we had a big fight because my shoe broke at the party and went to his house and got another pair of shoes to go back to the party. when i got to the house i wrote him a note telling him i wantted to work on things between us and blah blah blah on fathers day i hid his gifts in his wordrobe so i decided to put it there but whe ni opened it i see a box condoms with 2 missing so i was again furious even thought we werent even together. so we argue and now fast forward back to when i was in queen. as i said he asked his mom for deodorant and she asked me to bring it to him i peeked in and put the deodorant in and was gonna leave so he asked me what my problem was we spoke for all of 5 minutes and he said he was gonna finish getting dressed i am so used to him getting dressed in front of me so i jus sat there then he said it again so im like oh u want me to leave..so i leave and he asks me to hand him his phone i bring it to him and i was gonna leave and he grabs me up and we start kissing and have sex...lol i kno we just had a huge fight and now we were standing there having sex but while we were having sex he whispered to me "we have some shit to fix and we gonna fix it" so he leaves to his house cuz he was goin to a party that night. so my phone died and i went to his house to get i tcuz my stuf was there so i wind up staying and i left my son with his grandma in queens so kienan calls and asks me where i was i told him i was at his house so about 20 minutes later he walks in the door and we start having sex again.. so now its like i feel weird cuz we aren t doing what we used to. but i guess is should give the situation time to be where it is then address it. i love him and he said he still loves me but uuuugh im jus so torn rite now