11-3-2009 - UGH!

My mood while writing this blog: depressed, sad

First off, my youngest son has had a swollen lymph node for 2-3 months and has been on 2 sets of antibiotics. His voice is always hoarse and I finally got into the ENT today. They gave him Nasonex nasal spray on top of the 2 other allergy meds he takes every single day and the pulmicort respules that he does in the nebulizer. Anyways, he has to go back in a month to see if the hoarseness and lymph node are any better, if not, he will have to have a scope ran down his nose and throat. It is just doctor appointment after appointment these days. He has had trouble all his little life with health. 2 sets of tubes after oh 30 or more ear infections, many of them double, in the first 9 months of life. He had Kawasaki's disease and spent some time in a children's hospital a few months after he turned 1. It can cause major heart damage. Anyways.

Secondly, all 3 of my kids have had some sort of the stomach virus in the past 2 weeks. My daughter started out last week (at least I hope she has already had it), then the youngest got it on Sat. evening complete with fever, vomiting, and diarrhea. He is still having the diarrhea today, but the fever left sometime Monday night. And then my oldest started complaining of stomach pain on Sunday. He went to school on Monday, and when I picked him up, he was crying walking down the hallway because he hurt so bad. Later in the night, he started vomiting. I kept him home yesterday and he stopped the vomiting at about 10:30 a.m., but is still complaining of stomach pain. So I think that I am going to have to make him a doctor's appointment to get it checked out. He has ADHD and ODD and is on meds for it and I am wondering if one of them is causing the pain. And then on Friday he has to skip at least the first part of school for an appointment with his psychologist.

Tonight while doing nightly reading that both of the kids that are in school have to do, my oldest lost it. He has trouble in school and reading is his least favorite thing in the whole wide world. I told him that he needed to try and sound out the words that he didn't know instead of just asking me for it and he just wouldn't do it. I kept telling him to try and he kept saying he can't. I then told him that he couldn't say the word can't anymore because that means he wasn't even trying. He started crying and putting his head down. Anywho, things just weren't going anywhere and I got upset with him and told him to stop his crying and read the darn book. I did give him a smack at one point when he told me that he didn't like me anymore, that he never did, and that he was going home with someone else tomorrow. Then he proceeded to punch himself with both fists in the head. I just lost it and called my mom to come over. I told him to go and sit on the couch and take a break from the book and just wait for Granny to get here. By the time she got here, maybe 15 minutes, he had calmed down and finished reading the book, sounding out the words for her, and that was that. But, it just upsets me so badly, that he will resort to trying to hurt himself. I feel that I am failing him as a mother and that I can't help him like I want to so badly. Of course, by the end of the whole fiasco, I am balling like a great big baby as well. Now, I am suffering the beginnings of a horrible headache and am refraining from taking anything.

Thanks for listening to my rant.